Corona Chronicles: Lockdown baking, exercising and a supply of too many Vienna sausages

The lack of bread flour in stores makes Tracy Schloesser want to ask all of the people who bought 'every last available packet before lockdown' to send proof of all the bread they have baked. Here's why...

April 28, 2020

Tracy Schloesser 3 minutes read

– Opinion –

So the biggest thing I have learned about lockdown is that the days are pretty much all the same: “Same same but different.” You kind of get into quite a specific lockdown routine – with a few small variations like “what on earth do I cook for dinner tonight?” That mere thought day after day can instill deep fear into the hearts of many, many strong women and men. (I still feel it would be less painful to have a frontal lobotomy than having to make that mind-numbing decision.)

If you are like me, you even have a “same-same lockdown wardrobe”. This wardrobe tends to consist of a couple of pairs of jeans and t-shirts that get rotated. The only time that there is variation on the outfits is for a scintillating outing – like going to the shops. I honestly think that I am more excited about being able to dress up a wee bittie when lockdown ends than I am about being able to buy wine again! (Okay – maybe let’s rethink that last statement).

I have also learned that DP (Daughter Person) bakes – a lot. And when they temporarily suspend online varsity lectures, then she bakes – a lot more. All of this has a potentially detrimental effect on my waistline – which I am trying desperately to keep as a waistline and not let it develop into an overstuffed muffin roll. So the more she bakes – the more I exercise. At this point of lockdown I have to start exercising at 3am to try counteract the potential nasty side effects of the deliciousness she keeps creating! The struggle is real I tell you.

Speaking of baking I finally managed, after seventy “eleventy” million days in lockdown, to buy some white bread flour! I was so excited that I nearly rushed home from the shops and poured myself a glass of wine. Then I gave myself a stern talking to and reminded myself that I was officially on wine rations. It is now so bad that I am thinking of making myself wine coupons that can only be redeemed on certain days of the week and only one coupon per day! But the lack of bread flour does want me to ask that all the people who bought every last available packet before lockdown, must please send proof of all the bread that they have baked. Somehow I have this suspicious feeling that in six months time there are going to be large colonies of weevils moving en masse into pantries to take up squatter residence in unopened packets of bread flour! You all know who you are – time to man up and confess!

The only stockpiling I seem to have done is with Vienna sausages. As lockdown started, SP (Son Person) was eating hotdogs as his standard lunch fare on almost a daily basis. Who knew that three days into lockdown, his palate would do a very sudden and dramatic turnaround and only require tuna salad? I mean, as an MP (Mom Person) I should have known that upfront. What was I thinking!

(Anyone wanting to swap smoked Viennas for wine, please let me know. Asking for a friend.)

Missed some of the other Corona Chronicles? Check them out here:

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Corona Chronicles: Lockdown makes Joburger confront gridlocked passage and a lipstick dilemma

Corona Chonicles: Are mops considered an ‘essential’ item?

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Corona Chronicles: Worry over wine stock after husband accidentally breaks three bottles

Corona Chronicles: All dressed up and off to the shops she goes

Corona Chronicles: Does reading a book and drinking a gin while lying in the sun count as housework?

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