SEPTEMBER is globally recognised as Suicide Prevention Month, with the aim of raising awareness about the tragic outcome of some mental health diseases, and to share resources to prevent this.

Durban snake catcher Nick Evans took to his Facebook page to share his battles with suicidal thoughts. In his post, he says sharing his journey is not for attention, but to raise awareness and understanding, and maybe help a reader who is struggling, relate.

“I am not looking for pity or anything like that. I am very used to feeling this way.”

Also read: Nick Evans shares his exciting Black Mambas removal day

He explains that his clinical depression, severe anxiety and complex PTSD have all led him to battles with suicidal thoughts for more than 10 years.

“It has led to me being hospitalised twice, going through many different treatments, medications, and doctors (for the past few years I’ve been fortunate enough to find the right psychologist and psychiatrist for me).”

Despite receiving good treatment, he shared that his suicidal thoughts come in waves. “Sometimes for long periods of times, sometimes for a day or few. I think they’ll always haunt me, and it’s hard for any doctor to prevent fully.”

He stated that his symptoms, and he believes the symptoms of many who are suicidal, include:

– Hopelessness. About everything.

– Complete lack of happiness. Nothing, or very little, can make me really happy. Even the best of news. I can accept something is good, and I’m to a small degree happy, but nothing like how a normal person would feel. I lose interest in things I previously enjoyed. It’s a condition called Anhedonia.
Sometimes, though, I’m in a frame of mind when I don’t feel like this.

– Immense overthinking. Illogical, irrational thoughts that send me into a downward spiral. This includes doubting pretty much everything that is in fact true.

Also read: Suicide Awareness and Prevention

– The desire for constant reassurance.

– Constant stress about just about anything, especially finances. Everyone stresses about that, but when you’re suicidal, it’s more compounded, and it seems like there’ll never be an end, or relief, and it affects you deeply. Or I’ll ‘over-stress’ about the smallest things, making them out to be far bigger issues than they actually are.

– Total doubt in myself, thinking I am or will be a failure.

– Not wanting to do anything except sleep the thoughts away.

– Feeling like everyone is better off without me, the miserable person who everyone has to worry about.

– Being in so much pain, trying to fight the suicidal thoughts, that it physically hurts. It may sound like nonsense, but it really does physically hurt.

When he is suicidal, he said he considers it strongly because he is in so much pain.

“I just want the suffering, the mental battle to end. I want to be out of the pain, out of the stress.”

How does he get through it?

Evans said everyone has their own methods/reasons.

“I hang on for family. For my wife and mum. I know that I’d devastate them, even when I’m in an illogical state of mind. I try and remember my mum’s and grandpa’s words drilled into me as a kid, ‘Never give in/up’. Or the credo used by US Navy Seals, ‘Never out of the fight’ and ‘Embrace the Suck’.

He said his wife is a huge support.

Also read: Evans helps identify common snakes

“I listen to Linkin Park pretty much everyday. Although some of their songs may come across as depressing, I find them helpful. The daily medication, visits to my psychiatrist and psychologist also help.”

He also joined a South African Depression and Anxiety Group

“The number one treatment for me, though, is being in the bush. Nature reserves around Durban help, but for me, it’s the game reserves in northern KZN, Kruger, or any wilderness area. Watching wildlife, observing botany, tracks, and taking in the sights and smells. That’s where I’m most happy. I plan to one day live and work in the bush. I simply have to.”

Evans encouraged anyone to try and spend time in nature.

“Of course, rescuing reptiles, especially those busy days, keeps my mind busy, and keeps me content. I do feel a sense of purpose, which is important. The sad cases get me down of course, but I try focus on the successful rescues. Sometimes though, when I’m in the deep, dark pits, it’s a struggle to just answer the phone, let alone go out on a call.”

He added that by sharing his journey he hopes it helps a reader, who is struggling, to relate, and maybe try some of the things that keep him alive.
“I hope I helped a reader who lives with someone who suffers, in order to understand that person.”

Contact SADAG on 0800 567 567 or Lifeline on 0861 322 322.

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