Struwwelpeter

THE tiny Republic of Azerbaijan – which lies near the bottom end of the old USSR, behind Albania – has achieved a world first!

Its president, Ilham Aliyev, was recently reelected for a third term. Last week The Central Election Commission of Azerbaijan showed that Aliyev had received 72.76% of the vote, against the 7,4% of his opponent Jamil Hansali.

So what makes this so special? Well, through a ‘technical glitch’ the result were announced one day before the start of the election!

Mugabe must be insanely jealous – even he has not yet achieved this feat!

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In a previous column Struwwelpeter commented about the “high noon” standoff in Washington. He was interested to receive the following comment from his Canadian cousin:

“As one who has to live through the “drama” of the US budget fights on the news all day every day, I can assure you that the senate is democratically controlled and that it is Congress that is Republican!

“And South Africa is in a far better position to afford medicare than the good old USA – which is now more of a welfare state than the UK was before Maggie sorted it out. If you believe figures, SA’s debt to GDP is about 40%, USA’s well over 100% and growing.

“I was watching a piece on 60 Minutes last Sunday on “Disability” claims. They estimated that 80% of the 12 million currently receiving monthly ‘disability’ payments are doing so fraudulently – aided and abetted by a huge number of lawyers who do nothing else but submit disability claims on a contingency fee basis.

“They showed pictures of a Walmart car park on a normal day and compared with pics on a ‘disability cheque day’ – completely full on ‘check day’, one third full for the rest.

“There are 48 million Yanks receiving ‘food stamps’, ie welfare – and the number grows every month despite the Obama propaganda machine’s insistence that the economy is recovering. He makes Nero seem like an active participant in government! All he wants is Obamacare to be his legacy and blow the consequences to the country!”

Thanks AMG

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A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said: “I want three flat tyres, a pair of headlights and pair of running boards.”

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook: “This guy out there just ordered three flat tyres, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?”

“No,” the cook said. “Three flat tyres mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up and running boards are two slices of crisp bacon.”

“Oh, OK!” said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked: “What are the beans for, Blondie?”

She replied: “I thought while you were waiting for the flat tyres,headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!”

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Vraiment très drôle! (A very droll truth)

True story reported by an English guy who was stopped and asked to give a breathalyser test.

The Englishman lives near Le Bugue in the Dordogne and at the time he was stopped he was quite drunk. The gendarme signals to him to wind down the window, then asks him if he has been drinking.

With a slurring speech the Englishman replies: “Yes, this morning. I was at my (hic) daughter’s wedding and as I don’t like church much I went to the cafe opposite and had several beers.

“Then, during the wedding banquet, I seem to remember downing three great bottles of wine, (hic) a Corbieres, a Minervois and (hic) a Faugeres.

“Then, to finish off during the celebrations and (hic) during the evening, me and my mate downed two bottles of Johnny Walker’s Black Label.”

Getting impatient the gendarme warns him: “Do you understand I’m a policeman and have stopped you for an alcohol test?”

The Englishman with a grin on his face replies: ‘Do you understand that I’m English, like my car, and that my wife is sitting in the other seat at the steering wheel?”

Thanks BJ.