SOMETHING to ponder:
“Common people don’t want war but it is the leaders of the country that determine policy. It is a simple matter to drag people along. All you have to tell them is that that they are being attacked, and denounce the peace-makers for lack of patriotism, and exposing the country to danger.
“This dictum applies equally well to a fascist dictatorship, a parliamentary system, or a communist dictatorship – it works in any country.”
This does not come from Malema, who would if he could. It comes from Hermann Göring. Said in November 1945 at the Nurenberg War Crimes Tribunal.
* * *
A lawyer dies and joins the queue at the pearly gates. The admitting angel greets him warmly and says: “It is not every day that we have the opportunity of welcoming someone who is 160 years old!”
“But, protests the lawyer, I’m only 59!”
The Holy Keeper of the Rolls is summoned and asked to explain. He looks through his scrolls and then says: “I may have made a mistake – I just added up his Billable Hours!”
* * *
A woman was trying hard to get tomato sauce out of its bottle when the telephone rang. She asked her five-year old daughter to answer it.
“It’s the minister, mommy,” the child said. And then, into the telephone: “Mommy can’t come to the telephone right now, she’s busy hitting the bottle.”
* * *
A 10-year-old South African boy was in court, challenging his parent’s custody over him. The boy had a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge awarded custody to the boy’s aunt.
He protested at that and said that his aunt also beat him regularly.
“What about your grandparents?” asked the judge. “No, no,” said the boy. “They beat me more than anybody else.”
“Then whom do you want to have as custodians?” asked the exasperated judge.
“Your honour, please could you make it the Proteas cricket team?”
“Why the Proteas?” asked the judge.
“Because they don’t ever beat anybody!”
* * *
And now, a nice little story for the ladies. Tom was scratching around in his garage one day, when he uncorked a strange-looking bottle – and a djin popped out.
“What is your wish, master?” asked the djin.
Tom thought for a while and then he said: “I’m tired of going to work every day while my wife sits at home, drinking tea. Just to try it out, for one a day, could you allow me to switch bodies with her so she can discover how hard I’m working?”
The djin granted his wish and next morning Tom woke up in his wife’s body and she in his.
He got up at six, cooked breakfast for the family and drove the kids to school. Then he cleaned up the kitchen, did the laundry and cleaned the lounge. Next, he picked up the kids from school, fed them and then watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4.30pm he started peeling potatoes and vegetables for dinner. He crumbed the pork chops and put them into the oven. After supper, he packed the dishwasher, bathed the kids, and then retired to bed – totally exhausted.
However, before he could go to sleep, he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next day, he went to the garage and found the geni’s bottle. He uncorked the bottle and said: “Please geni, could you change me back to being a man again? I don’t think I can handle being a housewife much longer!”
The geni said: “Certainly, I can change both of you back to what you were. Unfortunately, you will have to wait nine months before it happens. You see, you forgot to take your pill yesterday morning and so got pregnant last night!”
