Terrible New Year’s resolutions to make you feel better for not sticking to any
Are you always stressed out about New Year's resolutions? Can you just never seem to keep them one month in? Take the pressure off and decide on these truly terrible resolutions to kick the year off with.
Have New Year’s resolutions never worked out for you in the past? Maybe you’ve just been too logical about this whole thing. Here are a few really terrible resolutions you probably shouldn’t try, but they’ll make for a good change of pace. At least if you fail to keep these resolutions, you’ll know why.
* Learn to burp the alphabet
* Start a band. Bonus points if you yodel
* Teach your parrot a few horribly annoying sounds. Bonus points if you have a parrot to start with
* Start your year wearing only heavy clothes. Dress normally on Day 2 and say you’ve already lost weight this year
* Drive around the block 20 times, take and post photos of everything you see and tell everyone you went on an amazing road trip
* Don’t starve
* Don’t get struck by a meteor. Your chances are one in about 75 million, so be careful out there
* Be resolved to give up on at least one of your other resolutions
* Set your alarm to the sound of a vuvuzela
* Stop drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth
* Watch fewer cat videos online
* Check email at least once this year
* Stop falling asleep during work meetings
* Stop putting pineapple on pizza
* Don’t lose one sock this year
* Take money out of trouser pockets before putting them in the washer
* Eat fewer spiders in your sleep
* Tell everyone you meet about the benefits of a vegan lifestyle, even if you’re not vegan yourself
* Hide in more closets at work
* Start a competitive tag tournament at your work which will last the entire year
* Remember, the worst resolution of all is 144p (tech geeks will get this one)
Happy New Year!
