On safari with the whole team!

Living close to South Africa’s Kruger National Park has some distinct advantages, and although we cannot hear lions roaring and the cry of the hyenas at night, we are near enough for a quick day visit.

That suits my wife and I admirably. Not avid lovers of the animal kingdom, we do appreciate a quiet and relaxing day in the bush.

Of course, getting that kind of peace in a 14 seat safari vehicle doesn’t come easy.

We approached Fred Draper, driver and tour-guide operator as he stood on the road beside his bus.

“Sit anywhere you like Sir, first come first served.” Tearing our tickets in half he ushered us into the vehicle.

Clambering over an assortment of picnic baskets, medicine chests, walking sticks and push ahead walkers, food hampers and several cardboard wine boxes, set neatly mid aisle we did eventually find a vacant seat.

Aunt Edith’s portable commode, (she had a severe bowel problem) had been wedged firmly against the well usually occupied by the spare wheel.

As soon as everyone had settled, we started off. We hadn’t gone more than two hundred meters when Ernie Fanshawe, front left with the red peaked cap, announced he had to answer the call of nature. Thank the Lord we hadn’t cleared the bus terminal.

Then of course, others followed suit. “Anyone else for the loo?” called Fred.
“I`m not sure,” whispered Miss Fisk (the one with a blanked out eye glass and hearing aid cord hanging from her ear.)

Fred revved up the engine a couple of times. Enough to make up her mind, and she galloped off leaving my wife and I alone with Fred.

“Do you make these trips often?” I enquired.

Removing his drivers cap he proudly polished its shiny peak, “It`s my first time, I only bought the bus last Tuesday.”

This didn’t fill me with confidence, nevertheless, when all had returned, we set off again for White River and the Numbi Gate of the Park.

The quiet in the bus was telling, when suddenly old Mrs. Groenewald, (the one with the gammy leg) let out a scream. “Oh dear….I have forgotten to take the kettle off the stove at home.” She announced.

Fred wasn’t amused. “Are you sure?”

“Certain.”

We turned back and headed for Herfsakker Old Age Lodge, and Mrs. Groenewald’s tiny green cottage.

“Am I a naughty girl?” she asked timidly.

Everyone shouted “YES”.

She wasn’t gone more than twenty seconds, “I must have been mistaken.” she explained…
Fred, mad as a snake snarling with rage.

Slamming his foot down on the accelerator pedal, and the bus took off like a rocket.

Maggie Duff, and her boyfriend Sidney had just opened the top of their thermos flask, and a stream of hot black sweet, and the best of Brazil, doused most who were sitting in rows two three and four.

Some witty gentleman in the rear muttered “Coffee is served,” and we all got a good laugh.
The Kruger National, as always, lived up to its reputation.

Unfortunately, the big five remained firmly out of sight, but we were pleased to visit six popular watering holes en-route, all thanks to Ernie Fanshawe and his kidney problem, although most were thankful for the convenience.

All in all, a happy outing, marred only by the loss of Maisie Hopkins upper dentures. These accidentally fell out while she was watching the game at one of the watering holes. (Courtesy of Ernie Fanshawe).

Once back at the bus terminal, Fred passed his hat around to us weary travellers.

As a token of our appreciation, he received the following assortment of bric-a-brac plus one walking stick rubber, (non skid)., six avocado pips, (licked clean).,

One slightly soiled hot water bottle, (ask Ernie Fanshawe about this).,

Two pickled gherkins, a bread poultice, one six inch steel hairpin, and a dozen empty cans of best Castle Lager… courtesy of yours truly.