Coping with Christmas blues

Do you dread the Christmas family traditions? The responsibilities and what your family expect of you during the festive season? Maybe for you, like so many others, the biggest cause of holiday stress is the family.

Hollywood stories create unreasonable expectations of the ideal family which may make people resentful or heighten the tension or conflicts between family members if their families don’t quite match up.

Also read: Christmas shopping on a shoestring budget

“There’s this vision and movie idea that holiday gatherings with family are supposed to be all fun and stress-free,” says Johannesburg-based psychologist Christo van der Westhuizen. “The reality is that family relationships are complicated and can be full of stress. But that’s not a reason to ignore the holidays completely.”

Experts say the festive season can make people feel out of control.

We may feel at the mercy of our relatives, steamrolled by family tradition. But you do have a say and the key to surviving the holidays is to take back some control instead of giving it all away.

• The free Facebook Friday Q&A aims to allow people to ask questions on how to cope during the festive season, identify where you can get help and get all your questions answered by experts.
• You can log in and ask for free advice on the live chats with top experts for an hour. Either from 1pm to 2pm or 7pm to 8pm.
• Psychiatrist, Dr Marcelle Stastny will be chatting in the afternoon at 1pm – 2pm. The evening chat will be at 7pm – 8pm with Psychologist, Nkateko-Ndala Magoro.
• To join the chats, LIKE SADAG’s Facebook Page: The South African Depression and Anxiety Group. Facebook users that would like to remain anonymous can send an email to newsletter@anxiety.org.za and we will ask on your behalf.

Clinical Psychologist, Dr Colinda Linde, who specialises in stress management, defines stress as occurring when our “perceived demands are greater than our coping skills and resources”, which is a feeling that threatens our well-being.

She also explains that there are different types of stress, for example, chronic stress, like an illness, which remains constant over time; perennial stress, like Christmas, which occurs periodically; and hassles, little things that when compounded can be even worse than one main issue.

The holidays, luckily some would say, only come once a year and last for a few short weeks. But you have to take the first step and be cautious during the next few weeks to keep these tips close at hand. Follow even just a few of them, and you’ll find yourself having a happier Christmas.

SADAG is able to provide telephone support, counselling and referrals to appropriate mental health care workers. Call 0800 70 80 90 to speak to a counsellor 7 days a week, every day of the year, from 8am – 8pm or visit www.sadag.org for more info.

So here are five ways to help you avoid the holiday blues:

1. Be realistic and take the “ideal” Christmas out of your head.

Too many people have a perfect version of what the holidays should be like, instead of what they really are. By setting realistic expectations, you are less likely to land up being disappointed.

2. Don’t be afraid to seek professional help

If the holiday blues are constant and you think there may be a bigger issue, you should seek the help of a Psychologist, Psychiatrist or call SADAG on 0800 21 22 23. Occasionally, the holidays are when we feel the most alone. Talking to someone can beneficial whether it be a counsellor, family member, friends or even a church member that you can open up to.

3. Take a time-out from family arguments and unhappy relationships.

In an ideal world, we’d be friends with everyone and everyone would be friends with us. But in the real world, we get into disagreements or sometimes huge arguments with others we care about. In the spirit of the giving season, give something that is priceless — your compassion and forgiveness (even if only temporary) to those in your life you feel have hurt you in some way.

4. Give yourself a break.

While rushing around the holidays, we often put ourselves last on the “To do” list. We also feel guilty when we indulge in things we wouldn’t ordinarily indulge in (”Another piece of pie? Why, thank you!”). Give yourself a break this season, forgive your transgressions, and be kind to yourself.

5. Connect with your significant other on the things that matter most.

One of the people we often leave out of our holiday plans is our significant other. Not physically, but often emotionally. Check in with your partner and see what his or her expectations for the holiday are, and share with them yours. You might be surprised to learn something you didn’t know.

Christmas should be the time of year that we all look forward to. A time to relax and unwind at home with family, good food and good cheer. But the thought of last minute Christmas shopping in shopping center’s teeming with other anxious, irritable last-minute shoppers, the rapidly decreasing bank balance, organising expensive family get-togethers where everyone may not get along and planning expensive holidays, can make Christmas time seem less than merry.

>>  Ready to say ‘I Do’ on the Dolphin Coast? Meet the team ready to advise, help and deliver on your big day.

>>  Visit our Education feature for a collection of all the best schools, tutoring systems, and even some colleges and training facilities on the North Coast.

Do you want to receive news alerts via WhatsApp? Send us a WhatsApp message (not an sms) with your name and surname to 061 718 4438.

Please read our WhatsApp broadcast list disclaimer.
Join us on BBM at 59015786
Join the conversation on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram

ENDS.