Living in a crime-riddled country, efforts to raise awareness to help us avoid unnecessary risks must be welcomed.

Although many of the police and security sector’s pointers are sensible and should be noted, I often wonder about the many impractical ones.

One of my favourites is the police’s recommendation of what to do when you reach home.

The basic advice is “to be alert” about suspicious-looking loiterers in close proximity to your driveway. Such presence should prompt you to avoid entering your property, but rather pass by and drive around a few blocks in the neighbourhood until you notice the miscreants have moved on.

If they haven’t, you are advised to drive to the nearest police station and request their assistance to help you arrive safely and stress-free at your abode.

Come on guys, let’s get real.

Living in my town’s main street, there are always a stream of people passing by or “loitering” in the vicinity of my driveway at “tjaila” time. Often cars are also parked close by waiting to pick up people.

Not sure how to determine which ones are suspicious-looking, it is simply impractical to go on an paranoid urban merry-go-round every time until they have all dispersed. My budget won’t allow the extra petrol expense.

And becoming a serial police station caller for assistance will only prompt them to chuck me in the holding cell for cop harassment.

The latest one to emerge is the call for motorists to be alert and cautious when driving into petrol stations. This after some incidents of robbers targeting victims while they refuel and have their tyres and oil checked. Alert to what?

Petrol stations, especially those with convenience stores, are heavy human traffic areas with many people milling about.

Should you therefore, when approaching the garage, first cautiously park some distance away and do a TV-type cop stakeout routine to determine which of the loiterers or car occupants look the part and are likely to pull out AK47s or Glocks and start running amok.

They don’t advertise the fact. They simply come in hard and fast, so what are you supposed to look out for? Mean-looking faces or scars on cheeks?

You’ll never reach the pumps. Even if you do, no level of alertness will help you anyway. By the time the guns come out, your extreme vigilance will have been of no benefit at all.

But thankfully South Africans are a much tougher bunch than you would imagine.

Residents are being proactive by installing outside lighting and signing up for neighbourhood watches. The man on the street is more likely to give a criminal a sound beating than suffer the advice of fools.
***
Two hitmen are walking together deep into a scary woodland.

The first hitman says, “I don’t mind admitting I feel a little afraid!”

The second hitman replies,” How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!”

***
Picked up a hitchhiker the other night and he asked me, “How did you know I was not a serial killer?”

I replied, “The chances of two serial killers in the same car are astronomical.”

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