Two Bits – December 6, 2013

Usually the first thing people just back from a trip to Cape Town will tell you is: “And the city centre is so clean! I don’t know how they can do it when we can’t!”
Take a walk through Ballito and the neglect leaps out at you: broken signs, broken pavements, potholes, missing manhole covers, damaged railings, street lights not working – the list goes on an on. Take a look at Barry Bowditch’s picture on the Letters page. Although that was taken in Sheffield, it could have been almost anywhere.
So how does Cape Town do it when we can’t? Actually, look even closer to home. Umhlanga village was in a pretty bad way a few years ago and now it has had a facelift. Also take a look at Florida Road next time you’re in the area. It too has had a noticeable facelift.
The good work is thanks to the Urban Improvement Precinct programme, a non-profit company that works with the municipality, basically to make sure that your rates money is working in your favour.
But it’s not for free. Property owners have to pay an additional levy on top of rates to get the job done.
There was a lot of scoffing when the UIP programme was first introduced. Peoples’ first reaction was: I pay rates, so why should I pay more to get action from the municipality?
And they’re right, but look around you and ask yourself if your rates money is being spent properly right now! Not so good.
It’s a bit like security companies. When private security first started, people said they were paying taxes so the SAPS should just do their jobs properly. And they were right, but private security has become a fact of life because you cannot rely on the cops as a first line of defence of your home. Doesn’t work.
KwaDukuza municipality has already given UIP the go ahead to canvass Ballito property owners in two specific areas. These are the beachfront, from Salmon Bay in the south to Willard Beach, and the business park, plus the businesses down Ballito Drive.
They need support from 51% of property owners for the scheme to fly. Barbara Shingler, whose company represents the majority of bodies corporate along the beachfront, has been working closely with the UIP staff for the past three years. She tells me several of the apartment block boards put money in the pot to fund the feasibility study.
She says: “At first the reaction was ‘Why do we have to pay for something we’re already paying for,’ but we’ve moved past that stage. The chairmen and trustees I’ve been dealing with, have seen the advantages, both in Cape Town and Umhlanga. At the end of the day, it’s about protecting your investment.”
The apartment blocks have their agm’s over the next six months, so it’ll be Barbara’s job to convince them to sign up. The fee for residential property would be R100 per million of property value,which adds a fair amount to owners’ levies, but the boards see it as inevitable.
The business park will be a harder nut to crack. The fee would be R300 per million. Coming on top of rates it’s a tough call. But the Lifestyle Centre, Ashton College and 30 other large property owners have given the project the thumbs-up, with about 30 more needed.
I don’t like to pay “twice” for anything, but in this case I think it’s the right way to go. And the more owners who agree to it, the cheaper the UIP service will become.
* * *
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to
the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to
buy some cyanide. The pharmacist asked; “Why in the world do you need
cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t
give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my licence! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You can not have any cyanide!
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband
in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now. That’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”