Two Bits – 17 January 2014

I routinely receive four types of unwanted emails: The ones where I’ve won the lottery (when I haven’t bought a ticket), those where some distant relative in Abidjan has left me $15 million (I know I never had a relative in Abidjan), some fellow in Beijing who wants to interest me in his finest water pumps, and estate agents in Cape Town who want me to buy houses in places I’ve never heard of.
The first three are simply noise that I don’t know how to stop. The last is spam – sales material from real people, but I never asked for it and will not stop until I’ve sent a few stern emails. Those are the ones I hate.
Spam from the US and Europe will always have an ‘unsubscribe’ line. That’s because it’s the law and it has been very effective.
The good news is that it’s coming here, in the guise of the Protection of Personal Information Bill (Popi). Not to be confused with the Protection of Information Bill, also known as the Secrecy Bill, which allows the government to decree certain information classified and can have you chucked in jail if you repeat it. They don’t have to tell you which information is classified, you’re just expected to know. The purpose of that legislation is to stop whistle-blowers and the media publishing embarrassing information like Nkandla.
Popi, on the other hand, will bring this country in line with Western standards. It is generally regarded as a good thing, except maybe by the estate agent in Cape Town and a few others like him.
It will mean that an organisation can only capture, use and store your personal information with your express consent.
And the definition of personal information is really broad. It includes pretty much anything that can be used to identify you in any way; be it your name, ID number and address, or your religious affiliation, sexual orientation, medical history, criminal record, educational and financial history.
It also includes things like your personal opinions, any private correspondence and other people’s views about you.
Organisations that ask for your information will be responsible for ensuring that it’s kept up to date. So those people who keep sending statements to your parents’ house, where you haven’t lived in 20 years, will actually have to check that your details are up to date from time to time.
They also have a responsibility to keep that information secure from the moment it’s been captured until it’s destroyed. The minute they no longer need the information, it has to be destroyed by shredding paperwork and expunging digital records.
The bill was passed by Parliament last November and is only waiting for the President’s signature to  become law. Companies will have a year to get their ducks in a row before being forced to comply.
If a company already has a relationship with you, it needs to make sure you know why they need your personal information and what it will be used for, and you have to consent to them having it.
If there’s no existing relationship, for example in the case of direct marketing, they will have just one opportunity to ask you whether you’d like to opt in to receive marketing information. If they don’t respect your wishes, you’ll be able to report them to the regulator.
The Information Regulator will deal with consumers’ complaints and investigate those who break the law. There will be serious consequences for law-breakers, like  R10 million fines or 10 years in jail. This should be a huge deterrent, not just for spammers and scammers but for those who peddle personal information and take part in identity theft or credit card fraud.
It will also mean that you can’t just chuck old office records into the bin. They will have to be destroyed properly. I predict sales of shredders will be brisk.
Certain groups however have been excluded, such as journalists using the information in the public interest, writers or artists using the information for literary or artistic purposes, judges carrying out their official duties; personal households and; to some extent, state organs like the police.
Of course, how effective it will prove to be will rest  in the hands of those responsible for policing it.
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Good news for Woolies lovers is that Woolworths national is taking back its three North Coast franchise stores very soon – I think by the end of this month.
Years of bad management, poor stock-keeping, poisonous relations between Woolies head office and the franchise holder, as well as many, many court cases, and Woolies has had enough.
So the stores in the Lifestyle centre, Ballito Bay Mall and Stanger will come back directly under the control of the company. And finally a visit to Woolies will become the pleasure it’s supposed to be.
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A woman and her son were riding in a taxi. Prostitutes were standing at a bus stop.
Boy: “Mom, what are these women doing here?”
Mom: “They are waiting for their husbands.”
Taxi driver: “Why don’t you tell him the truth, that they are hookers and have sex with men for money.”
Boy: “Is that true Mom?”
Mom: (furiously looking at the driver) says, “Yes!”
Kid asks: “Mom, what happens to the babies these women have?”
Mom: “They become taxi drivers.”