Two Bits – 4 July 2014

What a week it was and what a week it is going to be!

On Thursday morning my wife Rose phoned from the middle of Prince’s Grant golf course, jumping out of her skin with excitement.

“I got a hole-in-one,” she screamed, against a background of yahooing and cheering from her golfing mates. “Check the insurance. I’m going to spend a lot in the bar!”

It is a tradition in golf that the golfer who achieves a hole-in-one – that is, gets the ball in the hole from the tee-box, usually only possible on a short hole – has to buy a round of drinks for whoever is in the clubhouse bar. At the bigger clubs it can be quite expensive, as you can imagine. And yes, I checked and my householder’s insurance policy does cover a hole-in-one. Lucky, a group of lady golfers work up quite a thirst.

Some people seem to make aces left and right. Other golfers go their whole golfing careers without one. Just how hard is it to make a hole-in-one? Exactly what are the odds? The odds vary, it turns out, depending on who you ask, but we’re willing to bet that the odds aren’t as long as you might expect.

But as close to an official source as exists on this topic is Golf Digest. That publication has provided “acer odds” since the 1950s, and in the year 2000 hired Francis Scheid, Ph.D., the retired chairman of the math department at Boston University, to calculate the odds.

The odds Scheid came up with were 5,000 to 1 for a “low-handicapper” and 12,000 to 1 for an “average player.” If you are a low-handicapper and play 1,000 rounds in your life, according to Scheid, you have a 20-percent chance of recording an ace. If you play 5,000 rounds, your odds are 1:1.

And I wonder what the odds are of two members of the same family scoring an ace in the same week? Of course Rose crowed on Facebook, so everybody knew. Imagine her surprise then when her nephew phoned from Southbroom on Saturday morning with the news that he had also scored a hole-in-one. And guess what? Both aces were scored on the eighth holes. Amazing!

On Thursday night I once again had the arduous task of helping judge the first round of the Miss Ballito 2014 contest. Rotary Zimbali had collected a very impressive group of 20 young ladies and it was the judges’ job to whittle them down to 12 finalists, who will be announced at La Montagne this Wednesday evening. It’s going to be a very tough call to select the top three at the finals in October.

Wednesday is also an important day for the by-election in Ward 22, to elect a replacement for Cllr Ann McDonnell who’s been promoted to big school in ‘Maritzburg.

There are more posters for the ANC’s Rigby Heenan than there are available telephone poles. Salt Rock resident Mike Murphy indignantly sent me a pic of a poster on a stop sign and asked if that was legal. No it probably isn’t, Mike, but to some it might have the opposite effect to what was intended, by reading “Stop Rigby Heenan!”

Rigby had a bash on Thursday night with all the bigwigs out in force, including MEC Mike Mabuyakhulu, all being their most charming. I wonder if the DA wasn’t being too complacent by only sending out SMS invitations on Monday for a meet-and-greet for their candidate, Malcolm Hubner, on Tuesday night.

But, never a dull moment. A little birdie tells me that Rigby was backing himself both ways. I have in my possession a copy of a membership form for the DA that Rigby signed a matter of days before he threw his hat into the ring for the ANC. Maybe they made him a better offer. Of course he has been an IFP councillor for the last five years, so he really does cover some ground. Ask him sometime to show you his collection of party membership cards!

It reminds me of a line from one of Duncan McLagan’s melodramas. The infamous JR says “You don’t like my principles? I have others, you know!”

The Mr Price Pro is well underway this week, coinciding with the first week of the school holidays, all resulting in an avalanche of traffic. The roadworks from the highway were a nightmare on Monday. It took me 30 minutes from the Ballito on ramp to my office, which is something of a new record. Please, please, be finished by December! I can’t bear to think of the chaos if that isn’t all sorted.

And to top it all, the Slimline Pools publicity stunt at The Junction over the weekend was a huge success. Loads of people turned up to encourage their friends and relatives who entered. Wow, those guys and girls have staying power! Winner Tammy Colley of Foxhill lasted an incredible 55 hours in the pool. Tammy is the daughter of Vaughan and the same Cllr Ann McDonnell mentioned earlier. As a regular at Bob’s Boot Camp, Tammy proved that when the going gets tough, the tough get going! No doubt she’ll sleep for the rest of the week.

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I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance.

So I pushed her over.