TwoBits – July 18

I have always been confused by numbers. I admit it freely. I used to be embarrassed about it, but at my age, who cares.

I think I can pinpoint the time when this problem started. I’d been in an accident which caused me to lose a term in primary school and on my return the class was busy with what were called ‘long and cross tot sums’, of course called by us ‘Hottentot sums’.

Somehow what you added across was supposed to match what was added vertically. I have absolutely no idea what this was supposed to achieve and no amount of explaining by a not very patient teacher made any sense whatsoever. I do remember her saying rather crossly at one point, ‘You’ll just have to catch up’. Well, Mev van den Heever, I never did. Right through school, to the bitter end, I failed every arithmetic test placed in front of me. Don’t even talk about the horrors of algebra.

My parents recognised that what they had produced was no chip off the old block. My father had started off his working life in a bank and my mother had been a bookkeeper, so they could count and more. However they were patient with my failing and devised an ingenious way to force me to learn.

Transistor radios were all the rage at the time – tiny radios (tiny by comparison with the old valve jobs they replaced) run on a small battery – absolutely ideal for listening to Springbok Radio hit parade and Squad Cars. Walking past an electrical appliance shop in Maritzburg’s Church Street one day I saw exactly what I wanted: a Philips transistor radio in a leather case, costing the princely sum of £9.95 in the old money.

Please can I have this for my birthday, I pleaded with my folks. Nope, they said, it’s far too expensive for a birthday present. You have to buy it yourself.

What?! I was astounded. How was I to do that? You have to save up for it, was the answer. The deal was, for every pound I saved, they would match it.

And so began a very long process. You must appreciate that at the age of about nine or so, the most money I ever saw was a weekly allowance of sixpence. Until then, all that would have been spent on sweets – a couple of strips of liquorice, those unmentionable balls, Chappies bubblegum and maybe a Walls icecream. If I wanted that radio, I had to give all that up.

Uncles could be relied on for a half a crown at Christmas or birthdays or, if they’d had a whisky or two, maybe a whole crown! That was only 50 cents in direct translation, but five shillings went a lot further back then. Empty cold drink bottles were worth a penny and chores around the house could be relied on for the odd sixpence.

Anyhow, I had to keep a ledger and once a week it was taken out and totted up, under parental supervision. To my everlasting surprise, it grew and grew and I got my radio. A happier lad you never saw. And, I might add, a little wiser in the ways of money. It had been demonstrated to me that many of a little can add up to a lot. Today I can’t walk past even a little 10c coin on the pavement, which people drop all the time, without scooping it up with satisfaction!

This reminiscing comes about because I was reading an article about how few South Africans save enough for their old age. It’s ridiculous – something like 95% of retirees will have money hassles before they die. And with people living longer, the bigger the problem. How, the author asked, can people be taught to save their money?

Well I think I know the answer. It starts with parents. They must stop handing out whatever their children ask for and make them earn their money through saving or chores. They would become aware, as the saying goes, that money does not grow on trees.

Slightly off topic, but you’ve probably heard the belief that wealth rises and falls in cycles of about three generations. The first one makes it, the second lives well off it and the third blows it. I read that some big earners have decided that they will not pass on their wealth to their children. The singer Sting, for instance, says he’s decided to spend all his money or give it to charity. Giving it to his children, he says, will spoil them. They can make their own fortunes, if they’ve the inclination.

I started off by saying that my parents came up with this scheme to teach me to count. I don’t know if that’s quite true (because I think if your brain isn’t wired that way you never will learn), but they were aiming to teach me, firstly, the value of money and secondly, how to set and achieve goals. I am very pleased that they did.

* * *

Much as we all enjoyed the Ward 22 by-election, I am sure others will agree that we will now recognise Messrs Hubner and Heenan even on a dark night. Thank you, we know what you look like, so please take your posters down!

* * *

The Religious Studies teacher says to her class, “We have recently been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Biblical times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?”

“Aces,” says Sarah.