Two Bits – 5 September 2014

Last week I attended one of the those posh breakfasts at the ICC in Durban that only your and my tax Rand can buy. I was one of a group from our Ilembe chamber of commerce, being hosted by KZN’s ‘minister of tourism’, Mike Mabuyakhulu, and the occasion was a ‘consultative breakfast’ with players in the province’s tourism industry. The long and short of it is that the government wants to scalp the tourism industry. The 1% tax currently paid to government goes on marketing South Africa internationally and nothing is spent back in the province where it was raised. So Mabuyakulu wants to impose no less than a 10% bed tax in order that his department can, wait for it, pay for making bids for large events in the hope that they will attract large numbers of visitors. While he was talking, along with a Powerpoint presentations that are de rigeur at that sort of thing, it pops up on the screen that the department spends R16 million to bring the Top Gear festival to Durbs. I had to rub my eyes in case I was hallucinating. I know everybody rushed to ooh and aah over Clarkson and his band of comedians the first time, but this year a number of people told me it wasn’t worth even the lowest R260 tickets, let alone the R2 000 top price. Once or twice was enough! Pardon my cynicism, but Mabuyakhulu wants 10% just for making bids? This will probably involve hiring consultants here and abroad, sending large delegations business class (and maybe their relatives) to all corners of the globe and putting them up in the best hotels. For what? So we can host international tiddlywinks? He said it was a time of consultation, so there were questions from the floor. Time and time again, people said it was simply too much when, firstly, we were in a recession and secondly, it would rip the guts out of their businesses. His response was that they failed to see the big picture and, in a word, should quit whining. So much for consultation! The breakfast was very nice though. I had orange juice, croissant, scrambled eggs, sausage, bacon and tomato, and passed on the potato, beans, toast, rolls, sticky pastries and cold meats. A government breakfast is always the very best. * * * Reader Jill Orton sent in an interesting article about the demise of large shopping malls across America. Apparently there are more than 100 derelict malls across that country. With the new owners of The Junction here unveiling plans to expand to 90 000 sq metres, about six or seven times its current size, she queries the ability of the municipality to service it. She writes: “If the municipality cannot even provide electricity for the businesses or private houses in their municipality, how can they expect an enormous mall such as envisaged could be anything but a white elephant within a few years, after businesses come and go and eventually give up trying, like the Artisan Bakery in Salt Rock and many more? “They are trying to run before they can walk and should get their ducks in a row before embarking on such an ambitious project. Of course, all they can see are the huge rates which will be collected from this shopping facility, the same as from the estates which have sprung up all along the North Coast. Roads, electricity and water all need to be sorted out before any more shops are opened.” The decline of these temples of commerce in America can be ascribed to the recession, as well as the move to online shopping and new forms of urban shopping. Curiously, in China where the economy boomed in recent times, shopping malls are all the rage. The largest of all is the New South China Mall, Dongguan, covering a floor area 20 times that of St Peter’s in Rome, and well over twice the size of the King of Prussia Mall in Pennsylvania, the biggest in the US. At 600 000 sq metres of lettable space, the South China Mall is three times the size of our Gateway. But, it must be noted, it is largely empty. Mmm, it has something in common with the Ballito Bay Mall, the North Coast’s monument to greed and bad planning, where more than half the shops stand empty and stairs lead to nowhere. * * * Leroy was spotted driving along the M4 at a steady speed, when he suddenly indicated left and pulled off onto the shoulder. He jumped out of the car and opened the boot. He produced a party hat, streamers, a bottle of lemonade, sandwiches and a cake. After eating the food and drinking the lemonade, he launched into a little Irish jig. The whole proceedings lasted about 15 minutes, after which he got back in his car and drove off. Curious, the police followed him at a distance and half an hour later, they saw him stop and repeat the whole procedure. This was too much for the officers, so they decided to check him out. “Can we ask you the reason for all the stops and the food, drink and Irish jigs?” one of the officers asked. “Well, sir,” explained Leroy, “I’m on the company’s outin’.” “But you’re the only one here,” argued the officer. “Yeah, I know,” replied Leroy. “I’m self-employed!”