Two Bits – 20 March 2015

My wife and I travelled for a year about four years after we were married, as a sort of second honeymoon. The first had not been a great success because it absolutely poured with rain for a whole week.
Some would ask, what were you doing worrying about the weather, you should have been in bed, but a week in a freezing, muddy patch in a remote corner of the ‘Berg was a big ask. Looking back, we were such babies!
Four years later we set off on a great adventure, backpacking around South America and Europe for a year. In South America, hardly a soul spoke English so our Spanish and Portuguese lessons had to come onto the front burner pronto!
Timed as it was just a few years after the ‘76 riots and SA’s pariah status in the Western world, it came as some surprise that very few South Americans had any awareness or interest in South Africa.
When we said we were from Afrique de Sud, they’d go blank for a while and either ask “Pero que pais’??” (But which country?) or exclaim: “Aha, Ch-rristi-aan Barr-narrd, doctor del corazón!” (Christian Barnard, heart doctor), with much backslapping and good cheer. South Americans generally are a very friendly, sociable lot. Any excuse for a party. Anyone around here remember Chris “The haart is jus’ a pomp” Barnard?
Anyhow, I wonder what our South American friends will make of South Africa’s new first, the penis transplant.
Apparently the team of doctors at Tygerberg Hospital who carried out the world’s first successful penis transplant have been inundated with requests from men around the world who want to have the operation.
Professor André van der Merwe, head of Stellenbosch University’s Division of Urology, said they did not expect the overwhelming reaction, but appreciated the publicity. Nine men who lost their penises after botched circumcisions during traditional ceremonies have been on a waiting list for a penis transplant since 2010.
Van der Merwe says there is a greater need in South Africa for this type of procedure than elsewhere in the world, as many young men lose their penises every year due to complications from traditional circumcision.
Even though all the hospitals offer free circumcisions, traditional doctors are still used extensively and their methods, using a knife or a spear, are frighteningly unhygienic. So every year it is reported that several hundred young men, mainly Xhosas from the Eastern Cape, suffer severe infections, or lose their penises, or die as a result of these traditional ceremonies.
What “first” will our Cape doctors come up with next? Could it be the answer to that “Does my bum look big in this?” question? Or what about a brain transplant! Brilliant! I can think of a dozen people straightaway who would be excellent candidates. Though I think I’ll keep mine. According to my wife, it’s hardly been used.
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Well, what do you know, our local book “Durban Curry”, produced by Erica Platter of Simbithi and photographer Clinton Friedman (he’s from Durban, though his mother lives at Simbithi) has been shortlisted for best book of the year in the Gourmand World Cookbook Awards.
Entries from 205 countries have been whittled down to eight. There are books about French and Spanish cuisine, two from Africa (the other is from Uganda) which the food snobs apparently consider the upcoming cuisine to be “discovered”, and others from New Zealand, Cyprus, Germany and China. The Best in the World will be announced on June 9 in Yantai, China.
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One day two carrots, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. A speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over.
The uninjured carrot called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured carrot was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.
After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured carrot, “I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through.”
“The bad news is that he’s going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life”.