Two Bits – 24 April 2015

I was alarmed, as were other readers, by some of the comments on our Facebook page about the abortive EFF land grab and death of one of their number after being hit by a vehicle on the N2.
The degree of viciousness and hate towards these misguided people was way over the top. The people I saw at the site of the ‘land invasion’ were the very, very poor, and one has to accept that they will grasp at straws like a drowning man for a lifebelt when offered the prospect of a better life. It is the unscrupulous politicians who are to blame, not these simple folk.
On the one hand, reading social media is an education in how people really think. It seems they are less inhibited and will open up with both barrels whereas I doubt they would be so forthright in public conversation.
On the other, it creates a dilemma for me. Some of the comments might be construed as hate speech. The Constitution outlaws hate speech and, by extension, the media may not disseminate such attacks. However we cannot monitor our Facebook and web pages 24/7, so what to do? I removed some of the most inflammatory comments, but couldn’t reach all before they were out there for all to see.
I see some of the national news sites are not even allowing comment on sensitive subjects, so perhaps that will be the way to go. It will be a pity though, because social media does provide an unparallelled feedback mechanism of what society is thinking, even though it’s sometimes a bit hairy.
The EFF, statues, Eskom, a misguided king, load shedding and a staggering economy are all out there, but this week I would like to take your minds off all that.
I am indebted to Ian Coates for sending me this poem by an unknown author and extract from Monty Python’s irreverent film Life of Brian to remind us that the issue of defacing statues and being ungrateful wretches has happened before and will happen again.
The Romans occupied Britain for about 400 years – longer even than Europeans have been in SA – and everyone knows how fond they were of carving statues. Italy is knee-deep in them. So, Britain must have had more than its share of the ruddy things. And it follows that the cretinous Poms – or as they were known then, Sassenachs – must have pulled them down. The poem reads like this:
Ask anyone, ‘How many Roman statues
Can be found in England?’
The answer will be ‘Lots!’
Now Google it – there are none!
There are no Roman statues in England
And you have to ask yourselves why?
Because the locals were so very angry
And demanded that history die.
Frustrated historians have pondered this
And returned manuscript back to the shelf
But to me it’s all so obvious why
As I watch history repeating itself.
Now I quote Monty Python’s ‘Life of Brian’
Specifically a part of Scene 10
A troublemaker was trying to incense his mates
But it seemed common sense prevailed then!

Scene 10:
Reg: They’ve bled us white, the bastards. They’ve taken everything we had, and not just from us, from our fathers, and from our fathers’ fathers.
Loretta: And from our fathers’ fathers’ fathers.
Reg: Yeah.
Loretta: And from our fathers’ fathers’ fathers’ fathers.
Reg: Yeah. All right, Stan. Don’t labour the point. And what have they ever given us in return?
Xerxes: The aqueduct?
Reg: What?
Xerxes: The aqueduct.
Reg: Yeah, yeah. They did give us that. Uh, that’s true. Yeah.
Commando#3: And the sanitation.
Loretta: Oh, yeah, the sanitation, Reg. Remember what the city used to be like?
Reg: Yeah. All right. I’ll grant you the aqueduct and the sanitation are two things that the Romans have done.
Mattias: And the roads.
Reg: Well, yeah. Obviously the roads. I mean, the roads go without saying, don’t they? But apart from the sanitation, the aqueduct, and the roads . . .
Commando: Irrigation.
Xerxes: Medicine.
Commandos: Huh? Hey? Huh . . .
Commando #2: Education
Commandos: Ohh . . .
Reg: Yeah, yeah. All right. Fair enough.
Commando #1: And the wine.
Commandos: Oh, yes. Yeah.
Francis: Yeah. Yeah, that’s something we’d really miss, Reg, if the Romans left. Huh.
Commando: Public baths.
Loretta: And it’s safe to walk in the streets at night now, Reg.
Francis: Yeah, they certainly know how to keep order. Let’s face it. They’re the only ones who could in a place like this.
Commandos: Heh, heh. Heh heh heh heh heh heh.
Reg: All right, but apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us?
Xerxes: Brought peace. Stopped us fighting amongst ourselves.

There are no Roman statues in England
The proletariat had their say
And did their best to delete a history
That made the civilised England today.

Makes you think, doesn’t it?
Goodbye Cecil John Rhodes, it’s only just begun.
* * *
The inimitable Arno de Wet, always cheerful, always busy organising the North Coast senior golf league, recently celebrated his 80th birthday.
He was very impressed with his birthday cake – so impressed that he sent me a picture of it.
So big it was that unfortunately I don’t have space on this page to print it, but I can show him getting a big hug from his daughter, Este.
Happy birthday, Arno!

* * *

Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish. “I think it’s got epilepsy,” he tells the vet.
Vet takes a look and says “It seems calm enough to me.”
Paddy says, “I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet.”