Two Bits: Show us the way to a better life, please Cyril

Dear Cyril,

You must feel like Joel Stransky when he lined up for the last-minute kick at goal in the 1995 Rugby World Cup, when the expectations of the whole country were riding on his shoulders. He kicked it over and is still a hero for it.

Imagine how he’d rate today if he’d missed? I suppose we know – remember when Alan Donald was run out against Australia in 1999 when we needed one run to win. We still talk about the shame of it today.

So I think we know how you feel. You have the opportunity to snatch South Africa (and the ANC) from the jaws of defeat, and you know how dreadful everyone will feel if you drop the ball.

You have said that the aim of your government will be to attack corruption. There isn’t a loyal South African alive who does not wish you well in turning around the ship of state. I can’t speak for the idiots in the Democratic Alliance who rebuked former leader Tony Leon for urging everyone to support your fight. Even though I never much liked the Tiny Lion, for once he was talking straight sense.

Then there are those of your colleagues who are beholden to JZ because they have their hands in his pockets. You might be afraid that they will spoil everything if you take them on.
I say be gone with them. Throw them out of the NEC, throw them out of the Top Six if they are determined to defy you. The moment you show everyone who’s boss, it will be as hard to find a Zuma supporter as it was to find a National Party voter after 1994.

If they don’t come around to your way of thinking, let them go off and start another party if that’s what they want to do. The path of history is littered with those who broke away and didn’t make it – Lekota with COPE, Mamphela Ramphele with Agang (remember the kiss of death when Helen Zille and Ramphele cosied up?), and lately, Makhosi Khoza with her African Democratic Change party.

Only Julius has made a fist of creating an opposition that opposes rather than poses and we’re all watching him closely, as no doubt you are. If ever there was a snake in the grass, it’s that one.
It has been nothing short of miraculous to watch the sudden flurry of action over the Guptas and the Vrede dairy farm scam, as well as the Hawks swooping down on Mike Mabuyakhulu over the R12 million Durban Jazz Festival that never was.

I want the government to be cleaned up to the point that the corruption and incompetence to come to an end that has caused, for example here locally, our N2 roadworks to hang in limbo for a year. And to prosecute those responsible for diverting funds from repairing the Ballito promenade to a municipal beach party.

I want investors to have confidence that their money is going to be used on projects that produce jobs and reap profits, instead of disappearing into some fat cat’s new Mercedes or Dubai bank account.

I want our school leavers to have bright futures with lucrative prospects, instead of being reduced to protesting and pillaging projects like the Ballito Junction and the new private hospital in Stanger. I can only presume they do so out of sheer frustration. When you have nothing to lose (or gain), you lash out at the establishment in any form you see fit.

I want to feel safe in my own home. I want to know that the police are equipped, trained and ready to protect me when I need help. I want to know that the courts are equipped to dispense justice speedily, that our hospitals will work even for the poorest of the poor, that pensioners will be safe from predators when they draw their grants, that schools will be equipped with classrooms, desks and books.

One of the biggest problem you face is that we white people like you already. After your heady days as a tough mineworkers union negotiator you went into business, made a fortune and became a smoothie, gliding your way through boardrooms and acquiring a well-greased set of manners. The whites think “This is someone we can deal with” and that’s a possible stumbling block.

Remember Desmond? How we whites hated him when he became the Anglican archbishop, thought he was a communist terrorist! But he laughed and smiled and eventually won everyone over, to the point that the rest of the country thought “If the whiteys love him, something must be wrong with him”.

But never mind, I’m sure you’ve talked your way out of tougher situations. Maybe you’ll just get on with governing the country the way we all hope you should, and win everyone’s admiration and respect.

Here’s wishing you all the strength you will need in the days ahead. We will cheer you on, but we’ll also be watching closely if you stray.

* * *

I never listen to people properly and my doctor says it’s because I’ve got 80HD.

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