If you have a teenage son, chances are you’ve heard of “looksmaxxing”, but you might be as confused as the rest of us about what it is and whether it’s something you need to worry about. Mogging, mewing, bonesmashing, softmaxxing, hardmaxxing, ascending: this movement has its own language. And yes, you should be worried.

In short, looksmaxxing is a social media trend aimed at pushing young men to be as physically attractive as possible. While on the surface the trend focuses on seemingly healthy habits like skincare, grooming and building confidence, it has a dark underbelly that is having long-lasting impacts on the physical, mental and emotional health of young men.

Looksmaxxing originated in incel (involuntarily celibate) culture, where men attributed their romantic difficulties to women being attracted only to specific physical traits, leaving any man without these traits destined for loneliness. Online influencers like Clavicular motivate men to “ascend” to higher levels of attractiveness by continuously enhancing their physical appearance to become more ‘desirable’. This may include exercise, grooming routines, skincare, hair styling and fashion, but can also extend to taking supplements, weight loss, jawline exercises or even cosmetic procedures.

It is well known that social media has damaging and long-term impacts on the mental health of girls, but the risk of looksmaxxing is putting the spotlight on how boys are being affected too. Boys are measuring themselves against the tall, lean, smooth-skinned, chiselled men they see online and looksmaxxing content can intensify low self-esteem, body-image concerns, depression, social anxiety and hopelessness.

“Lots of my friends think that they are too ugly to ever get a girlfriend,” one teenage boy told me.
“And so they have given up even trying to talk to girls. Instead they just spend their time alone online, which of course makes the problem worse.”

Boys going through puberty already feel self-conscious and looksmaxxing makes it worse, especially for boys who are already quiet, anxious, struggling with confidence or don’t fit the “ideal” male stereotype.

Signs that your son may have been caught up in this movement (even if he has never consumed the content online) include social isolation, avoiding photographs, increased screen time and an unhealthy focus on exercise, skincare and supplements. It can also manifest in negative comments about girls and women, including grading them on a scale of one to ten.

Parents can support their teenage boys by:
• having open conversations about the content they are consuming online
• ensuring they have positive male role models in their lives
• modelling healthy masculinity
• building critical thinking and bringing awareness to how influencers profit from selling insecurity
• getting professional help if needed.

Most boys don’t talk openly about their body image but can struggle just as much as girls, often making jokes or feigning indifference to mask their insecurities. We need to pay attention to what boys aren’t saying out loud. Behind the humour or bravado, they may be feeling inadequate or inferior. As the adults in their lives, our responsibility is to help them find their self-worth in who they are and not simply how they look.

If you would like to learn more about looksmaxxing and other current online trends parents need to know about, please sign up for my online chat, ’10 Trending Topics’, on Wednesday 12 August at 7.30pm. Bookings can be made at thechat.co.za/online-chats.