The first thing Sioux Jessen says when she stands beside her family’s gravesite is that she will probably cry. And she does.

More than four decades after losing her mother, the grief is still close enough to catch in her voice. Jessen, who now lives in the United Kingdom, recently returned to Braamfontein Cemetery to honour the woman she lost in 1984, and to help restore the family plot where her mother, grandmother, and grandfather are buried. “I’m here to honour my mom. I miss her every day.”

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The plot belongs to her father’s side of the family, but it was where her mother chose to be buried because of the close relationship she had with Jessen’s paternal grandmother. Standing among the headstones, Jessen recalled one of the few childhood memories she still has of visiting the cemetery with her mother. “I remember getting off a bus on the road up there and walking down a pathway with her to put flowers on the grave. That memory has never left me.”

This time, instead of flowers, she came carrying aloes. Her mother loved succulents, especially aloe vera, and Jessen wanted to plant something hardy that could survive without regular watering. “There used to be a yellow rose bush and agapanthus here, but there’s nobody nearby to care for them because I live in the UK. So, today I’m digging holes to bury plants – not to bury anybody,” she added with a tearful laugh.

With the help of Friends of Johannesburg Cemeteries volunteer Sarah Welham, a new headstone for her mother was installed in a style that matches the older family stones. Jessen said the restoration has brought a sense of completion. “It feels like I’ve contributed something to making their final resting place look good. It should have been done a long time ago, but now it’s been done, and it feels right.”

Although she now lives abroad, Jessen says returning to the cemetery keeps her connected to her family’s story. She is compiling a family history book for her grandchildren that traces their ancestry back 10 to 13 generations, including relatives who moved from Germany to Russia before eventually settling in South Africa. “It’s so important for the younger generation to know where they came from. This has been a time-consuming journey, but it’s been fascinating.”

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Her mother died at the age of 52, and Jessen still feels the loss deeply. “She had a tough life, but she gave the best hugs in the world – real proper mom hugs.”

For Jessen, caring for the gravesite is not about dwelling on death; it is about refusing to let memory disappear. When asked what she would tell people who have not visited a loved one’s grave in a long time, she said: “Do it. Don’t forget them. Don’t forget where they are, and don’t forget who they are. Just because someone is gone doesn’t mean you should walk away and let the memory fade.”

As she gently pressed soil around the newly planted aloes, the act felt less like gardening and more like a daughter keeping a promise: That even from thousands of kilometres away, her mother’s resting place – and her story – would continue to be remembered.

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