Dealing with their parents divorce, is difficult for a child.
They don’t understand why it is happening and often feel guilty. They do not know how to express their emotions and will most likely act in a negative way.
It is a parent’s most important responsibility to protect your child from any form of harm, and to make their well-being your main priority.
Below are a few ways of helping your child cope with your divorce:
Keep it behind closed doors:
Keep arguments, fights, heated discussions and legal talk away from your children. As difficult as it might be, keep your temper in check; be considerate of the children. They do not need to hear about all this, nor do they need to see how ugly the situation has got.
Stick to a routine:
Just because there are two houses and two of everything, does not mean routines should be disrupted. Bedtime should stay the same, as well as everything else. This applies to discipline as well. The moment one parent starts to disrupt the routine, the harder they make things for the children.
Don’t bad-mouth the other parent:
Bite your tongue, clinch your fists, do whatever, but do not put your ex down in front of the children. At the end of the day it is still their parent. Don’t allow your hurt and anger to affect the way your child feels about their parents.
Stay involved:
It is very important that both parents still stay active in their children’s lives. Although you might not be getting along with each other at the moment, your children still need both their parents.
Don’t seek your child’s support:
Going through a divorce is tough, and yes, you do need support. Just remember your children are just as vulnerable at this moment and they need your support. Don’t lean to them for comfort. Rather speak to a friend or a family member about your heartache and anger; your children don’t need more stress.
Breaking the news:
There is no easy way of telling children their mom and dad are getting a divorce. It is important however, that both parents are there for the conversation. Explain to them how things are going to work in future regarding living arrangements and visits. It is also very important to keep any anger, bitterness and arguing out of the conversation.
Answer questions truthfully:
Your children are going to have a load of questions for you. Answer them truthfully but also age appropriate. If they understand the reasons for the separation it can help the healing process.
Prepare them for the changes:
Children need to understand that although the parents are divorcing, they will see both parents regularly. Explain how weekends, holidays and special occasions will work. Set up a routine schedule regarding where the children will reside and when they will visit the other parent. Keep in consideration the ages of the children and their needs as well.
Handling reactions:
Divorce takes its toll on any child. If they start to rebel, it is to be expected. Don’t lose your temper or make the situation worse. Your life might just begin to feel like it is falling into place, but to those children, their life has just fallen apart. Be patient, things will eventually get better.
Be their rock:
Your children are going to need you now more than ever. Don’t let your hurt and anger infringe on your parental duties. They are most likely going through an even tougher heartache than you are, as they don’t understand why this happened, and they need you to be strong for them. Make sure they know you love them and will be there for them through this time.
