Preparing for your child’s matric results
While it is important to remember adults may also feel disappointed, they need to manage their emotions and remember their first words and reactions may leave a lasting impact.
The wait for the 2016 Matric results has begun, with thousands of matriculants anxiously to see whether or not they have passed.
“The December holidays will be a bittersweet one for families of matriculants who know their results are not likely to meet expectations, either because the learner did not do well, or because their performance may not be good enough to get access to studies toward a sought-after qualification,” said Head of Faculty: Information and Communication Technology at the Independent Institute of Education, Nola Payne.
Read: Striving to make a difference for children
Ms Payne warns that the way adults manage these next few weeks, and the way they respond when results are revealed, can significantly impact the resilience of Matriculants following a disappointment.
“This coming period will pave the way for the future response, and determine the nature of the conversations that can be held to plan the next steps. This will significantly impact the way the disappointment is experienced and managed,” she said.
While it is important to remember adults may also feel disappointed, they need to manage their emotions and remember their first words and reactions may leave a lasting impact.
“The first thing to do is for the adults to take stock and consider their unified position, so energy can be focused on the learner and not on resolving parental or family disputes,” she said.
Tension is bound to increase as the results day approaches, with high levels of anger and aggression forming part of a defense mechanism against parental responses.
“Now is the time to just reflect on what may be behind the behaviour with comments such as, ‘you seem really stressed, do you want to talk?’.”
Other symptoms of stress, which include depression or social withdrawal, or even health issues such as headaches may increase.
“Responsible adults are encouraged to ask direct questions, such as when and where and how the young person will access their results. Build your plans around those of the young person. Share your own feelings of anxiety and normalise it, for instance by saying: ‘I am feeling stressed about your results too but remember we can figure this out together and take it from there.’ Reaffirm your unconditional acceptance of the young person.”
One of the most important things parents and caregivers should begin, is to talk about other options in such a manner that their child understands that poor results are not the end of the world.
“If your child has not shared results with you for several hours after they have been released, then you need to ask. One way or another the family cannot manage the situation if it is not out in the open. If there is an angry reaction, then it is best to respond again with empathy and let the mood settle before asking again.”
Also read: Disciplining your child: The dos and don’ts
Ms Payne says parents should take note of three practical steps to handle stress about results:
1. Find out if your child would like see their results before you do, or if they would like to share the experience.
2. Remind children that the results do not define them as a person, share their good qualities, as they will need reassurance and love.
3. Start discussing option for further studies or life after school.
There are also ways to prepare your child for the day:
1. Encourage them to not compare themselves with their peers, friends and siblings.
2. Remind them that they worked hard, and all you could expect from them was effort, hard work and dedication.
3. Remind them there are several options for next year, and you are willing to help them plan ahead.
