En Passant – Never too late to sleep over

LAST WEEK the SABC’s aspirational lifestyle programme Top Billing had an item which was introduced by the line, “Who says slumber parties are only for school girls?” A slumber party might appear to be an oxymoron, but Wikipedia describes it as: “…a party most commonly held by children or teenagers, where a guest or guests are invited to stay overnight at the home of a friend, sometimes to celebrate birthdays or other special events.” It is also called a sleepover or pyjama party.

When I was a kid, very occasionally I’d say to my Ma, “Ag, Ma, can Jimmy sleep here tonight?”and she’d say, “I dunno, what does Jimmy’s mother say?”, and I’d say, “She says its OK if you say it’s OK,” and Ma’d say, “OK,” but it wasn’t as if there was a party or anything.

In effect, I can’t say that I have ever attended or hosted a slumber party, and when Top Billing made it clear that a slumber party was not limited to affluent American teenage girls with understanding parents, I started thinking.

As I understand it, and I don’t, a slumber party has two prerequisites – the people must be roughly all the same age, and must be all of the same sex. Is it too late, I started thinking, for me to throw a slumber party, and if I did, what would it be like?

The mind boggles.

The blokes I’d have to invite would have to have been teenagers at around the same time as me, so they’d now be probably between 60 and 70 years old. In effect a bunch of old farts. This immediately poses a problem.

Old geysers are used to their creature comforts. These boys have done their share of roughing it; if they weren’t ever willing campers who were prepared to doss down in a sleeping bag on the hard, bare ground, they are the generation who had no option and did basics in the army and possibly invaded Angola.

But since then, and what with old sports injuries now playing up, and in a number of cases hip and knee replacements, let alone dodgy backs, these boys like their beds. I couldn’t at my slumber party expect them to sleep on the floor without the luxury of a big fat Sealy Posteurpedic between them and the cold hard cement.

OK, then assuming I can arrange a whole lot of mattresses on the floor, then what? I dunno. I banged “slumber party” into the internet and got all sorts of suggestions, but none of them were really applicable as older men’s ideas of a good time.

That’s the thing, isn’t it, the slumber party must be an opportunity to indulge in what the group considers a good time, and then, it being a slumber party, you collapse on the floor and sleep en masse.

So, us older blokes – what would we need to make our slumber party a success?

A braai, dop and a television, preferably showing rugby.

This means that my slumber party would have to be held outside to accommodate the braai. I imagine that Doris would have a purple fit if I fired up a braai inside, even one of those electric braais with the fake charcoal.

I suppose we could braai outside, standing around like we normally do with a beer or brandy and Coke, and then move inside with our cooler boxes to eat and watch television. It’s just that then we’d collapse onto our mattresses instead of dodging the breathylising traffic cops as we drove home.

One thing I leaned from the internet regarding slumber parties was that you should, as they said, “honour your guests’ parents”, which in this case would be interpreted as “honour your guests’ wives”.

This site said: “The success of your sleepover is directly proportional to the amount of information shared — both outgoing and incoming. Invitations should clearly state drop-off and pickup times, whether meals are included, what kids [or in this case the old toppies] should bring (sleeping bag, pillow), a little info about supervision and any planned activities, plus a contact number.” Yeah, right.

It continued: “Talk to the other parents [wives] about their child’s [husband’s] sleepover experience, food allergies and nighttime habits.”

Nightime habits?

Stone me! I suppose that’s a point. Does old Jimmy go to the loo six times a night? Does he sleep walk? Does he have to take blood pressure pills before going doo-doos. Does his missus use ear plugs because he snores worse that an asthmatic grizzly with adenoids? Is he prone to hideous nighttime farts?

It was also suggested that the host had to make sleep possible, and this I understand. I don’t know anyone roughly my age, however big a party animal, who doesn’t reach a point when he says, I’ve had enough, ek is nou moeg, I wanna go to sleep.

It is suggested: “…there are a few things you can do to get the kids [old toppies] to sleep at 2:00am instead of 4:00am. Let them know when lights out will occur and what’s expected of them. Dim the lights leading up to that time, and possibly hand out flashlights once the lights are off.” Or run out of Klipdrift.

And the wives should not be told, “Ag, pick him up whenever it suits you”, the next day. And I agree. Babelaas is best suffered alone.