Helping your child deal with the sorrow of loss
“I've had the opportunity to offer this program at one of our local schools and this has given a lot of insight into children and how they grieve.”
ABRAHAM Lincoln once wrote, “In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all and, to the young, it comes with bitterest agony because it takes them unawares…”
Local Psychological Counsellor, Nadine Pillay, offers some advice on helping children through the despair of bereavement that follows the loss of a loved one.
“As part of my services at HOPE [Holistic Options for People’s Empowerment], I offer a program called HUGS, which stands for ‘Help Us Grieve Support Group’ for bereaved kids,” writes Nadine. “I’ve had the opportunity to offer this program at one of our local schools and this has given a lot of insight into children and how they grieve.”
Nadine compiled a list of do’s and don’ts to consider when consoling a child through the trauma and distress of death:
• Do inform them of the loss in clear simple language
• Allow them to ask questions
• Listen to them and allow them to express their feelings
• Explain the funeral to them and let them attend. It helps with closure.
• Help them remember the person through art, photos, sharing stories and memories
• Do all of the above in an age appropriate way
• Do consider counselling if need be
• Adults need to take care of themselves and also deal with their own grief as this has an impact on the child
• It’s okay to use the words ‘death,’ ‘dead’ or ‘died’
• Acknowledge that grief is a process and children, like adults, grieve in different ways
• Don’t dismiss a child’s feelings
• Don’t avoid speaking about the deceased person
• Don’t exclude the child
• Don’t lie to the child
• Don’t hide your emotions from the child, rather explain them
