Centurion teen breaks free of bullying to find her voice

A 16-year-old girl from Irene, Centurion, has turned her painful experiences with bullying into a powerful story of resilience, compassion, and advocacy.

Hildegard Havenga is currently a Grade 11 learner and is not just navigating the complexities of teenage life, but also forging a path of hope and empowerment for others who have endured similar struggles.

Havenga’s journey with bullying began in primary school.

She shared that it was something incredibly hard to deal with as a child, but it became even more challenging when she transitioned to a new school in Grade 8.

The unfamiliar environment, with new faces and older students, amplified the pain.

She often felt like an outsider, unsure where she belonged, and trying to adapt to this new world only made the bullying feel worse.

Havenga’s struggles didn’t just stop at whispers and stares; they extended into the digital sphere.

Social media became another battlefield, where subtle yet harmful comments and harassment followed her.

She eventually locked her accounts after being targeted online, an experience that left her feeling even more isolated.

“The whispers, the eye-rolls, the subtle jabs, those snide remarks on posts – they made me second-guess everything about myself,” she said.

She explained that much of the bullying stemmed from people’s judgements and assumptions about her.

“Some people thought I was perfect and didn’t have problems, and because of those assumptions, it led to me being bullied,” she said.

But the pain of being misunderstood and unfairly targeted didn’t stop there.

Havenga said the cruel remarks left lasting marks that were unseen by others, but deeply felt within.

“At some point, I thought if I made myself smaller and invisible, it would stop. But it didn’t,” she admitted. “The only thing that changed was that I lost a crucial piece of who I was in the process.”

For a long time, Havenga believed that staying quiet, shrinking herself, and trying to blend in would protect her.

Instead, it only deepened the hurt. The journey to reclaim herself was not easy, but it was transformative.

Over time, she began to understand that the cruelty she faced was not a reflection of her worth but rather an expression of the pain others carried.

“Hurt people often hurt others,” she reflected.

This realisation did not excuse the actions of the bullies, but it gave her the strength to stand tall, not just for herself, but for others who felt voiceless and invisible.

Havenga’s experiences have shaped her into a compassionate advocate for mental health awareness, kindness, and connection.

The young teen told Rekord that she is currently at a better place in her life and that she is happy at her current school, where she has learnt a lot from those around her.

She has developed the courage to speak out, to stand up for those who may feel too scared, overwhelmed or tired to defend themselves.

“We all deserve to be seen and treated with kindness,” she said. “If I can be that person who reminds someone of their worth, then that’s what I’ll do.”

Her approach to standing up against bullying is as much about empathy as it is about action.

She believes in the power of compassion, not just toward those who are hurt, but also toward those who are doing the hurting.

“Sometimes, the ones lashing out are just as lost as the ones they’re hurting,” she said.

Havenga also shared how showing compassion to those who hurt her has allowed her to find healing within herself.

“It was one of the most healing things I’ve ever done. Because I know how much it can mean when someone finally sees you –whether you’re the one being pushed down or the one doing the pushing.”

These experiences have taught her invaluable lessons about vulnerability, resilience, and the importance of staying true to oneself.

She no longer tries to fit into moulds created by others. Instead, she focuses on building authentic connections with those who celebrate her for who she is, flaws and all.

“Real friends don’t make you feel small for being who you are,” she said.

“They don’t require you to chase after their approval. They simply accept you, exactly as you are.”

Havenga has also learnt the strength that comes with standing alone when necessary.

She explained that those moments of loneliness shaped her into someone who is not only strong but also deeply empathetic. “I never want anyone to feel the way I did,” she said.

She reflected on how she felt when the bullying was at its worst and mentioned that those feelings now drive her to reach out to others, reminding them that they belong and that they are enough just as they are.

This passionate teenager’s advocacy extends beyond bullying to address broader mental health challenges faced by teenagers.

She is deeply aware of the silent battles many of her peers fight daily, whether it’s anxiety, stress or feelings of inadequacy.

“So many of us are battling things that feel too big to say out loud,” she said. “But that’s exactly why we need to speak up. Because no one should feel like they’re alone in this.”

She believes that creating safe spaces where teenagers can openly discuss their struggles without fear of judgement is crucial.

“We need to create a space where it’s okay to not be okay. Talking about mental health shouldn’t be something to be ashamed of. Only then can we begin to break the cycle.”

Her advice to other teenagers like her who have been in similar situations is to stop chasing the approval of people who can’t see your worth.

“If you’re stuck comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel, stop it.”

She urged parents to understand that their teenage children need them more than they make it seem occasionally.

“We need our parents more than we make it seem. They are our reminder that we’re enough, and we need them to believe in us on the days when we’re struggling to believe in ourselves.”

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