Nthabiseng explains ‘vat en sit’ relationships

SECUNDA – Ms Nthabiseng Monareng, an expert in family law, said a lack of knowledge about the law and relationships is affecting the lives of many people.

She said, for example, the courts have been declaring customary marriages invalid because of none compliance with the law.

Ms Monareng said cohabitation relationships, often referred to as “vat en sit” continue to grow, regardless of these relationships not being legally protected.

“This is because many people are under the impression that if you are in a cohabitation relationship for a long period, the relationship will automatically be regarded as that of husband and wife.

“There is still a lot to be done in order to ensure that people are able to exercise their rights and know how to enforce the law.

“South Africans have just celebrated Freedom Day and 20 years of democracy and there is a lot that need to be thankful for.

“However, there are still challenges that need to be overcome by women.”

Ms Monareng said when it comes to relationships and the law, the focus is mostly on domestic violence and less is said about the importance of education about the types of marriages, rights women have and how to enforce them.

“Nothing is said about cohabitation relationships though research has shown that a high number of people believe that being in a cohabitation relationship will automatically turn that relationship into that of husband and wife and the couple will get the same benefits as that of married people.”

Ms Monareng said customary marriages are also legally recognised, but only if the couple complies with the legal requirements.

She said cohabitation is currently not legally recognised in South Africa.

“You do not get married automatically or by default in South Africa.

“The law only protects those who are married either in a civil marriage, a customary marriage or same sex unions,” said Ms Monareng.

“If you are in a cohabitation relationship, there is a risk that your boyfriend can evict you from his house, you cannot claim spousal maintenance from him and when he dies, you cannot inherit his assets unless he left a will and nominated you as a beneficiary.

“His family also has a right to evict you from his house.

“In order to protect yourself, get married with your boyfriend, enter into a cohabitation agreement or do not cohabit at all,” said Ms Monareng.

She said another challenge with customary marriages is that a high number of people are still under the impression that payment of lobolo alone will lead to a legally recognised customary marriage.

“This is not so and sadly, if there is no handing over, the customary marriage will be declared to be a cohabitation relationship and not legally protected.

“When a man has paid lobolo, the family of the woman has to formally hand over their daughter (the woman) to the man’s family.

“This is a process which can involve ukhuvuma abakhwenyana or ho hlabisa mahadi (to welcome the groom to the bride’s family) and if it is not done, in the eyes of the law, the process to enter into a customary marriage has not been finished and the marriage will not be legally protected,” said Ms Monareng.

She said people are free to seek correct information, challenge what they feel is not right for them or refuse to enter into a relationship or marriage they do not want to enter into.

“It is not the responsibility of the government to ensure that people have the information they need to make decisions about the law and relationships.

“This is the responsibility of an individual,” said Ms Monareng.

She will be educating women and men about relationships and the law in the country through workshops, talks and through her book Concubines: The Legal Implications of Cohabitation and Customary Marriages on South African Black Women.

Contact Ms Monareng at 079 893 7701 or at safamily.law@gmail.com.