Trauma counsellor Dr Khomotso Phaka has come forward to speak about the social expectations the festive season brings and how it can mentally affect residents.

According to Phaka, the pressure to be merry often refers to the societal expectations to feel happy and festive during Christmas. She noted these demands can create stress and feelings of inadequacy for those who do not feel like celebrating, especially people who are dealing with personal challenges.

Phaka explained that this time of year can be difficult for many people due to factors like loss and grief, family dynamics, financial pressures, and past traumas. It is more common than people might think, and Phaka referred to the issue as the ‘holiday blues’.

What particularly might make people feel more burdened during the holidays is the discrepancy between the expected and actual experience, feeling alone or disconnected, and negative associations with Christmas.

“There can be a stigma around not feeling festive during this time, which leads to guilt or shame. This can also exacerbate feelings of isolation or distress,” she said.

Christmas can actually amplify negative emotions for those dealing with grief, divorce or those estranged from family. Phaka noted the festive period might highlight absences or change, and emphasise strained relationships.

Trauma survivors, especially, can experience heightened emotions. She explained the pressures of being merry during Christmas can evoke triggers, cause anxiety or avoidance, and can also lead to mixed feelings about family members.

Triggers that might resurface for trauma survivors, as mentioned by Phaka, include:

• Stressful family interactions due to unpleasant memories
• Specific places or activities which the survivor associates with past experiences
• Sensory cues, including smells, songs or decorations linked to painful memories

To help people cope with feeling overwhelmed during Christmas, Phaka gave a few healthy tips:

• Set boundaries which manage commitments and expectations
• Seek support by talking to trusted friends and professionals
• Prioritise personal well-being and comfort

Some easy ways to set boundaries, Phaka explained, include:

• Communicating your needs and limits
• Focusing on what is truly important to you
• Being polite but firm when saying ‘no’
• Suggest different ways to connect or celebrate

“It’s okay to acknowledge and honour your feelings. Permit yourself to experience the holiday season in a way that feels authentic and manageable for you,” she expressed.

She added, family and friends can easily help those who feel disconnected during Christmas by offering support. This can be done by asking how they are feeling, providing them with a non-judgmental space to talk, assisting with tasks to provide company, and respecting their boundaries.

If needed, family and friends can be on the lookout for any signs that their loved one might not be coping well, even though they appear to be showing up with a smile. Phaka explained this might look like:

• Withdrawal or unusual patterns
• Verbal cues or emotional changes
• Visible tension or signs of being overwhelmed