Rob in the ‘Hood: Emergency? Leave it to a woman

What a miserable week, weather-wise, friends. Nothing like gale-force winds to cause havoc, for that’s what we had to face last week. Properties were damaged, trees uprooted; none less so than our neck of the woods. Sorry, Wrong Number We arrived home, unfortunately not being able to drive into our place: the strong winds had caused a large tree to come crashing down onto the road, blocking our driveway?

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No worries, pet, I’ll get on to Councillor George straight away. He will put us on to the right people? George was as helpful as ever? Rob. Call the emergency services’ number. It’s Pennsylvania 6-5000? Thanking George, I dialled the number, which seemed strangely familiar. I wasn’t ready for a prompt answer, which caught me unawares? Is that the emergency services? A large tree has fallen across our road; blocking the way? I was interrupted? Sir, you have the wrong number. Try this one, please. It’s 999?I thanked the woman and redialled 999? Is this the emergency services? A large tree has collapsed in our road, and…?A very nice woman butted in:? Sir, you have the wrong number. Try this one. It’s Ring-a-ding-ding 7, 8, 9, 10?I rang the ringa-dinga-ding number.

Same story; same response. Shades of Shelly Berman! Leave It Me!I phoned George again? George, that number you gave me. The operator says it doesn’t exist, unless you’re living in Schweizer-Reneke? Sorry, Rob. I put a wrong digit in. I’m all fingers and thumbs these days. Look, I’ll personally get on to the emergency services right away, and tell them of your plight? Our man came back to us? Rob, the tree has been reported and they will come round as soon as they can? Hmm. As soon as they can? It was then that I got that sinking feeling. Next day, I looked in the road. The tree was still there, a sign on it saying ‘They shall not pass’. Time to call George? The tree is still there, any luck yet? George’ replied: Morning. Rob. The emergency services know all about it. But they say it isn’t an emergency; cars can go alternative ways, but not along your road? I tried to get my head round that one.

I still couldn’t get in nor out of our driveway. My Dreams Shattered It was time for lunch, to be followed by that hallowed Hibiscus Coast custom of what is euphemistically called a ‘ziz’ (siesta for the more sophisticated among us). I had just got into my 40 winks when I was rudely interrupted by the sound of chainsaws buzzing ever so loudly outside our gate. Shock and awe? Well, would you believe it? The emergency services are here. I take it all back? I pressed the remote. The gates opened. It certainly was shock and awe and it certainly wasn’t the emergency services. It was a Good Samaritan in the form of neighbour Adri Porter, sporting a state-of-the art chainsaw making short of the shattered tree.

Helped by her three children, Abbygale (12), Dean (11) and Ethan (10), Adri had the tree in pieces in next to no time, although, I admit it, I couldn’t lift even one of those logs to save my life. What do they feed them in Rustenburg (Adri’s home town)? Oh, Mrs. Porter, What Can I Do? I felt hopeless and helpless watching Adri and her offspring. They had put me, and the emergency services, to shame. I offered to ‘do my bit’, with profuse thanks, helping with the sweeping up, weakly protesting ‘no, don’t do it, the emergency services are coming? Adri just waived away my mutterings? No problem, Rob.

That’s what friends and neighbours are for. We’re here to help out? In next to no time, the street was clear and the stagecoach could get through. I phoned George to update him – ‘we’ had done it ourselves. However, I’m not quite out of the woods yet. The remains of the tree is completely infested, rotted away, and anytime could come crashing down and destroy our wall. With friends and wonderful neighbours around us, like Adri Porter, we are certainly blessed. From a treeless, Covid-free, more or less, zone, somewhere round here.See you, Rob.

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