Dear Laura
It’s strange to have the house to myself after all these years. Even when you were at boarding school, it was still full of your mess. I can’t count the number of times I looked forward to having plenty of space, but the funny thing is, I still don’t have plenty of space. – It must have been my mess, after all!
We seem to have had a strange distribution of assets. While I can muddle along without a CD player or colour TV, how on earth are you managing without a tin-opener? What am I supposed to do with a dog-chewed straw hat, a pair of Doc Martens with no laces, a two-metre inflatable plastic heart and a poster saying: ‘If you think money can’t buy happiness, you don’t know how to shop’? Have you got both track-suit tops? I’ve got both bottoms!
Regarding your query – or was it panic – about not being able to turn on the gas: Gas bottles unscrew the opposite way from everything else in this country, except, I am told, the near-side wheels of Rolls Royces. Something to do with it being a poisonous substance, though I fail to see what is so dreadfully poisonous about Rolls Royces. Anyway, even if you are screwing in the right direction, they are usually awfully tough. You can get a thingummy from the hardware store which has a kerflibbit at one end and a dooflip at the other, and it should solve all your problems. I think it’s called a gas spanner, but that might be too obvious!
As for what to give Mike for supper, I suggest you try no more than one new thing each night. So for tonight, stick to rice, which you know how to cook. Though I did notice that you bought a different brand from the one I always use, so you’d better keep an eye on it in case it goes pudding-y. One good way is to stop it just before it’s done, give it a good wash, and finish it off in a fresh lot of boiling water. Of course, you lose all the goodness, but there wasn’t much in refined white rice, anyway!
I assume you’ve got some vegetables. Whatever you do with them, don’t boil them out of existence! A steamer is by far the best thing for veggies – you should get one if you can.
Now for the difficult bit! Dig out that nice thick-bottomed frying pan of yours and put it on a medium heat, with a knob of margarine and a tablespoon of oil. They are supposed to stop each other from burning, but you still have to be careful! Chuck in some finely-chopped onion, ditto garlic (if Mike likes it), a teaspoon of mixed herbs and some black pepper. I usually put in salt at this stage, but you’d better leave it till later. Stir it up and put the lid on. Let it sweat it out for about ten minutes, stirring every now and again.
When the onions are soft, but not soggy, add the mince and chop it in with an egg lifter, held vertically. (Stirring with a wooden spoon will just give you blobs of mince in a splurge of onion mess, which was not the object of the exercise!) Once the mince is well mingled with the onion, it shouldn’t take more than another three or four minutes to cook, after which you can add one of those dinky little tins of tomato paste – or a good spludge of tomato sauce, if you are still without a tin-opener – a splash of Worcester sauce and salt to taste.
Nothing very fancy for an inaugural meal in your own home, but it does have the advantage that both the mince and the rice will stand a certain amount of keeping warm or reheating if you get the timing all wrong. As timing is the only really difficult thing about cooking, it’s a good idea to have some warmer-friendly items on the menu!
By the way, before you try to use the warmer drawer, check it for mouse nests!
Lots of love
Mom
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