AT a time when everyone is trying to ‘bliksem’ or ‘bhahaza’ each other over languages of choice, perhaps we are missing out on ‘bees and honey’ (money).
The South Coast in particular has been invaded by Pommies lately, attracted mainly by our fantastic golf courses where a game costs them the equivalent of a mere eight pounds.
(It cost me one pound to have a pee at Harrods about 15 years ago!)
Even better, a beer is only 75p in the ‘rub-a-dub’ (pub) and the ‘Ruby Murray’ (curry) ‘aint ‘alf bad eiver.
Some have suggested that we should have more signage in Mandarin, but the ‘brass tacks’ (facts) prove that we shouldn’t write off a curious rhyming slang that is said to have originated in the East End of London in about the 19th century – Cockney.
A touring group of about ‘cock and hen’ (10) were ‘Artful Dodgers’ (lodgers) at Allan and Mary Jacobson’s Oslo Beach B&B recently and I managed to get a ‘Dicky bird’ (word) with them at the ‘battlecruiser’ (boozer) at Port Shepstone Country Club.
Judging by the lingo and tattoos, they certainly weren’t ‘toffs’, but they couldn’t understand why our coast hadn’t been flooded with more of their ‘china plates’ (mates). Apart from the prices, they thought this was sheer ‘looxury’. They loved the ‘currant bun’ (sun) and even the ‘Mork and Mindy’ (windy) conditions didn’t bovver ’em.
They had left the old ‘trouble and strife’ (wife) as well as the ‘dustbinlids’ (kids) at home and were having a right royal ‘bubble bath’ (laugh).
“The beer is so cheap that it’s easy to get Brahms and Liszt (drunk),” said one. He then headed off for a ‘Jimmy Riddle’ (piddle), nonchalantly pushing out a ‘raspberry tart’ as he staggered up the ‘apple and pears (stairs).
Sheppie is now taking this so seriously that a new billboard is being considered for the entrance to the club: “Cockney spoken ‘ere.
We accept Godivas (fivers), ponies (25 pounds), carpets (three pounds), edges (50 pence) and Visa.”
On a more serious note, our current exchange rate might just have a silver lining for the Hibiscus Coast. A simple, but effective business formula is ‘product, price and service’.
* We certainly have the product (we just need to maintain it and keep it clean).
* We certainly have the right price (where else in the world would one be able to buy a quality beer for 75p?).
* We welcome overseas tourists with open arms and a smile (although some of us need to stow the guns and knives).
If we just get this message out there, surely we can expect more pounds, dollars, yen and yuan to flow into our ‘sky rockets’ (pockets)?
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