Butthead’s Beat: ‘Send’ at the end

MAYBE someone has already thought of this, but just in case they haven’t… how about an App called ‘e-Tombstones’?

Or even ‘e-Heaven’? (‘e-Hell’, might not go down so well.)

An old colleague from Scottburgh, Brian Joubert, made the suggestion, sadly after a memorial wall was vandalised at the local cemetery recently and his parents’ ashes were mixed up with those of many others’ loved ones contained in unmarked plastic bags all over the floor.

One is reluctant to make light of such a travesty, but the souls of deceased neighbours, friends and relatives are now probably mingling at Scottburgh cemetery, hopefully with much merriment as they watch their loved ones trying to figure out where their ashes should actually be returned to: “Oooh! Fred’s in Mable’s new box!”

Mirth often heals, so perhaps Brian might think of convening a get-together of relatives so they can have a mass remembrance, followed by a good old fashioned Irish wake. They could even have it on ‘Ashes Tuesday’.

Brian has a list of about 20 names on plaques lying on the ground so this could just be an opportunity for new, living friendships.

The cemetery ‘shindig’ aside, it is very sad that cemeteries are so neglected by our municipalities.

Gone are the days when one could visit the burial site or memorial plaque of a loved one to say a quiet prayer and remember them fondly.

Now one often has to take along a brush cutter to find the tombstone and a gun for protection against vagrants and drug addicts.

Obviously, priorities have changed with the living in more need of the maintenance budget than the dead. (On second thoughts, that service is not much better either, in many cases.)

So maybe Brian is onto something. He suggests an on-line, ‘web cemetery’ where peoples’ photographs and biographies could be kept.

No more land disputes, no more squabbling about where ancestors were buried and having to re-inter their bones to make way for a new development or road.

Think of it: No maintenance needed (or allowed), a record of one’s life (only the good things, of course) and one’s worldly image (only the best profile, of course) up there in the ‘cloud’ for all eternity.

It’s almost a sort of ‘life-after-death’ thing (heaven?) and will be far cheaper than ‘cryogenics’ (being frozen, as several wealthy Yanks are, in the vain hope that some genius scientist might find a cure for their demise and bring them back to life in the distant future.)

One could even write one’s own autobiography beforehand with instructions to one’s relatives to merely press ‘send’ at the end.

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