MENTION the word ‘flush’ and most South Coasters will hit you with a toilet brush because, well, it’s not so easy to actually do that these days.
Not so bottled water sellers, of course, as they must be laughing all the way to the bank during this mass water crisis. The word ‘flush’ takes on a whole new meaning for them.
One can hardly walk through a supermarket these days without stubbing one’s toe against a 5lt bottle of what has become our ‘liquid gold’.
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Those of us lucky enough to have swimming pools have the (in)convenience of lugging buckets to and fro, but what about the rest?
Filling cisterns with bottled water must cost an absolute fortune and the only other option is to stand in long queues at municipal water tanks (if you can find one).
Men are probably the most fortunate as it’s easy to point Percy at a tree, but what about the women? What do moms with small children do?
This really is a shitty situation (excuse the language), but most would surely agree.
What’s the solution?
Nobody seems to know right now – even Ugu Municipality, which has apparently called for help from Cogta and the Department of Water Affairs.
Meanwhile, all and sundry are baying for blood (and water) on social media, but with little effect.
So, maybe it’s time to call in the… ‘Bogs of War’.
Pah-pa-rah!!!
Enter that infamous poo-slinging mercenary, ‘Mad Max’.
His real name is Chumuni Maxwele (or ‘Chummy’ to his friends for obvious reasons), a former University of Cape Town student who made international headlines with his ‘heroic’ protest against colonialism.
It must have taken guts (hopefully not runny), travelling by train or taxi, buckets of fresh human excrement probably slopping about the feet of other commuters.
The stuff then really hit the fan when he tossed it all over arch-colonialist Cecil John Rhodes’s statue at the university.
His actions created a huge stink (in more ways than one). It also inspired the whole #Feesmustfall campaign and several other splats (sorry, ‘spats’) at other institutions of higher learning (heh heh).
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He was subsequently suspended from UCT so Mad Max is probably in the market as we speak.
Let’s face it, few of us have the guts (grumble) for such a bold movement, but we can all certainly supply copious amounts of ‘ammunition’.
Forget about calling in ‘Fart Blanche’ and certainly not SABC as there’s no ‘Faith’ there.
Mad Max is our man and you can get him at 072 7666917.
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