Doonside mother brings awareness to gender-based violence
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MORE than half of South African women have been victims of gender-based violence (GBV). This is according to the African Health Organisation. In light of the 16 Days of Activism for No Violence against Women and Children Campaign that is observed annually from November 25 to December 3, Doonside mother of two, Kirsty Buchan, hopes that sharing her story will empower others. Together with her friend, Zandy Howard, who is also a GBV survivor, she created a photoshoot to bring awareness. Buchan was in an abusive relationship for three and half years when she one day decided that she needed to walk away.
“There’s a lot of stigma attached to being a victim of GBV and it needs to stop. I was in a relationship with someone who had a history of being abusive. If someone had spoken up about it, I would have understood sooner that I was not the problem,” said the 30-year-old.
She endured years of mental abuse and was physically abused once.
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“People often do not realise how bad mental abuse is. I was pushed into corners, screamed and sworn at over petty things, grabbed and intimidated. I was belittled about my mothering and house keeping skills. He would punch doors and tell me to go die every time I ran away. He tried to control the time I spent on my phone, the time I worked from home, the time I went to bed and was guilted accordingly. I was gaslighted to the point I thought I was crazy. He used to scream and swear in my face, I often had to wipe his spit off. My children, especially my daughter, would also get screamed and sworn at. One day I decided that this was not the life that I wanted. It took me a long time to realise that I deserved better. I would take my children and run away in the middle of the night and on weekends just to escape. I didn’t want that life and I didn’t want that life to continue to be my story.”
She hopes that by sharing her story it will empower other women in abusive situations to get help and speak out. She plans on creating a support group for other survivors of GBV to share their stories. Buchan believes that it is important to report abuse so that it can be documented.
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“You need a support system in place and reach out to an organisation like Amanzimtoti Turning Point (trauma unit) that can give informed advice and support. The victim has to decide to reclaim their life no one else can do it for them until they are ready. I am working on getting better every day. I am on anti-depressants, going for therapy, using art to cope and most importantly speaking up about it. It has been an emotional roller-coaster, but I am getting better every day. If you are in an abusive relationship know that you can get the help you need. There are many organisations that you can turn to and trust that once you get out, you will never look back.”
Amanzimtoti Turning Point Qhakaza assists the community by providing support and counselling in terms of GBV and other forms of violence, crime and abuse. For more information on the organisation, call 031 903 7777.
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