Sometimes, people need understanding more than solutions
A father reflects on how raising his two sons taught him the importance of listening, acknowledging emotions and offering empathy before trying to fix a problem.
For eight years, I was deeply involved in raising my two sons. I picked them up from aftercare, fed them, drove them to soccer practice, and attended almost every school sporting and social event.
My wife was equally committed, but my work allowed me to be more available.
Yet, something interesting happened whenever the boys felt unwell, especially at night or in the early hours of the morning.
I would hear a soft voice on the other side of the bed: “Mommy, I’m not feeling well.”
On the rare occasions they came to me, my response was often logical: “Why today? Why when you have to go to school?”
I was looking for explanations when they needed understanding. I wanted to make sense of their situation before acknowledging how they felt.
Looking back, I am grateful for my wife’s nurturing approach. She helped me appreciate something important about human relationships: sometimes, people don’t need us to solve their problems. They need us to understand how they feel.
Think about how often this happens in everyday life.
A child shares a problem, and we immediately offer advice. A partner expresses frustration, and we become defensive.
A friend opens up about a difficult experience, and we rush to tell them what they should have done.
We may have good intentions, but in our eagerness to fix things, we can overlook the person in front of us.
Not every expression of pain asks for a solution. Sometimes, it is a connection request.
Whether we are parents, partners, or friends, we all have a responsibility to build relationships where people feel safe enough to be honest about what they are experiencing.
Before you try to fix what someone is feeling, make sure they feel that you care.
