The reason I’m starting to go grey is because I kind of try and stress my problems away.
Ironically as I am writing this, I feel worry free and then if I give it a few more minutes, all of a sudden the anxiety hits me and I start stressing about everything I can possibly think of. Maybe it’s the times we live in or maybe it’s just how I am hardwired? I can stare at Buddy lazing around on the couch and become so envious about how carefree he can be. There’s not much that bothers him in life, as long as he has food and a bed he’s happy. I wonder if we could ever truly adapt to a lifestyle like that?
I feel kind of hypocritical in writing this just because I will try and tell you to be more like my dog; worry less and enjoy life more and then in the back of my mind I struggle to do it sometimes. But here’s the thing about my constant worrying – It’s about things in the very far future. I worry about our child almost every day, not the type of worry about our country falling apart or anything like that, more in the lines of how will they turn out? What will their careers be someday? How will I react the day my daughter or son comes home with heartbreak or when I feel like I want to break the person who hurt them? These are the things that keep me up at night.
But most of all I wonder one thing: Will I be a good father? I truly believe in my heart and soul that no matter what, I will always try my very best even if I feel like I have failed. I will be the sarcastic dad that gives my kids grief at any given oppurtunity (my wife still does it better than me) and I will be the dad who will be screaming my lungs out next to the sports field or the concert halls supporting them. I will be their dad; good or bad.
With all this stressing and having my stomach ulcers act up every now and then I can find true solace in the fact that if I can change something, I should and if I can’t? The why worry? Buddy and my wife are looking at me while I’m staring mindlessly contemplating the future and noticing them I think to myself; maybe I should buy that box of hair dye.
