How to identify if you are in a toxic friendship

While red flags are often ignored in romantic relationships, a similar trend can be witnessed in friendships.

Known as ‘chosen’ family, having a good friend is having someone with whom you can be your true self.

However, many learn the hard way that the person they refer to as ‘bestie’ is actually a ‘frenemy’.

Here is how to identify if you are in a toxic friendship:

•     Negative energy: Known as an energy vampire, there is no pleasing this person, no matter how hard you try. They are negative about everything and everyone all the time, which in turn leaves you feeling drained and empty

•     Manipulative: While it is not easy to admit that you have been manipulated, your need to ‘people please’ can make you an easy target. A calculated person will exploit your affection for them in a bid to guilt-trip you into giving in to whatever they want

•     No emotional support: They never show up when you need them

•     One-sided friendship: It is always about them. No matter how traumatic your situation is, they will find a way to diminish your situation to invalidate your feelings. If you are the giver, you will find yourself always giving time, ideas and energy without reciprocation

•     Jealousy and envy: In a toxic friendship, your good news is consistently received with a cold shoulder. In a bid to get you to stop sharing, your ‘friend’ may change the subject.

•     Lack of boundaries: Your boundaries are just a suggestion to them. They have no consideration for your emotions, and refer to you as sensitive whenever you voice that you feel disrespected by their actions

•     Gaslighting: Instead of owning up to the fact that they’ve hurt you, they spin the narrative so you end up apologising to them. This behaviour compromises your mental state and can make you question your memory because it can make their version of events seem like the truth

•     Constant criticism: While constructive criticism can be healthy in any relationship, constantly being shown your flaws can affect your confidence. A toxic friend aims to break your confidence and self-esteem so only they can shine

•     No accountability: It is never their fault. They take no accountability for their actions, and would rather avoid the issue than apologise

•     Blackmail: They paint the picture of you needing them more than they need you. A toxic friend, just like a lover, will threaten to end the friendship so you can give them the control they desperately desire

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