BlogsOpinion

ZULULAND LETTER: The stars have aligned for my future

So, like any mature 17-year-old, I headed for the BA department with reckless abandon and selected subjects so completely devoid of purpose I honestly don't know what my parents ended up paying for

ON entering university, I had no clue what I wanted to do. Aside from drinking.

So, like any mature 17-year-old, I headed for the BA department with reckless abandon and selected subjects so completely devoid of purpose I honestly don’t know what my parents ended up paying for.

Never mind.

Four years later I exited university, once again, with no clue what I wanted to do. Aside from drinking.

But with my BA degree firmly in hand.

After flitting around the bars of Europe and Southeast Asia, I finally landed up back home, forced to find some purpose for my pitiful BA degree.

And, for many moons, I despaired that this might be a hopeless task made even more so by the fact that all my BA’d friends had managed to marry people that had chosen to study more cash-magnetising degrees (or trust fund babies) and I’d managed to find a poorly-paid teacher with no family money – just lots of family.

But then I stumbled into freelance writing and fell headlong into the world of marketing. Finally!

A place to actually make money from my ability to write straight from my rectum.

People are – would you believe it – willing to pay me money to write about the wonders of a brick.

I know why they say don’t believe everything you read on the internet, because I probably wrote it.

I work in my pyjamas with a bottle of wine in one hand and the remote control in the other (wait, I do have to type so I sometimes use a straw).

It’s gotten to the point that I’m actually claiming back my bar tab as a business expense from SARS.

But for all the glitz and glamour, it’s just not a wholly fulfilling career path.

Sure, I might convince someone to buy a ton of bricks when they weren’t even planning on building anything, but is this the legacy I want to leave behind?

Of course not.

So, now I’ve decided on something where I can really make an impact on the lives of others: A job where people will listen to what I have to say, and buy into it without question.

They will live their lives according to my teachings. Make choices based on the advice I spew forth.

No, I’m not starting a religion (just yet). I’m going to embark on horoscope writing.

But surely, some might ask, you would need to have studied ‘astrology’ to have the necessary ‘qualifications’?

To those people I say, well done for knowing the difference between ‘astrology’ and ‘astronomy’.

But also, I don’t really need to give you an answer, because the answer was inside you all along.

You are a [insert preferred star sign] after all….

*Stay tuned for some totally believable horoscopes in the upcoming weeks!

At Caxton, we employ humans to generate daily fresh news, not AI intervention. Happy reading!
Stay in the know. Download the Caxton Local News Network App here.
Back to top button