ON entering university, I had no clue what I wanted to do. Aside from drinking.
So, like any mature 17-year-old, I headed for the BA department with reckless abandon and selected subjects so completely devoid of purpose I honestly don’t know what my parents ended up paying for.
Never mind.
Four years later I exited university, once again, with no clue what I wanted to do. Aside from drinking.
But with my BA degree firmly in hand.
After flitting around the bars of Europe and Southeast Asia, I finally landed up back home, forced to find some purpose for my pitiful BA degree.
And, for many moons, I despaired that this might be a hopeless task made even more so by the fact that all my BA’d friends had managed to marry people that had chosen to study more cash-magnetising degrees (or trust fund babies) and I’d managed to find a poorly-paid teacher with no family money – just lots of family.
But then I stumbled into freelance writing and fell headlong into the world of marketing. Finally!
A place to actually make money from my ability to write straight from my rectum.
People are – would you believe it – willing to pay me money to write about the wonders of a brick.
I know why they say don’t believe everything you read on the internet, because I probably wrote it.
I work in my pyjamas with a bottle of wine in one hand and the remote control in the other (wait, I do have to type so I sometimes use a straw).
It’s gotten to the point that I’m actually claiming back my bar tab as a business expense from SARS.
But for all the glitz and glamour, it’s just not a wholly fulfilling career path.
Sure, I might convince someone to buy a ton of bricks when they weren’t even planning on building anything, but is this the legacy I want to leave behind?
Of course not.
So, now I’ve decided on something where I can really make an impact on the lives of others: A job where people will listen to what I have to say, and buy into it without question.
They will live their lives according to my teachings. Make choices based on the advice I spew forth.
No, I’m not starting a religion (just yet). I’m going to embark on horoscope writing.
But surely, some might ask, you would need to have studied ‘astrology’ to have the necessary ‘qualifications’?
To those people I say, well done for knowing the difference between ‘astrology’ and ‘astronomy’.
But also, I don’t really need to give you an answer, because the answer was inside you all along.
You are a [insert preferred star sign] after all….
*Stay tuned for some totally believable horoscopes in the upcoming weeks!
