I don’t remember exactly the first time someone asked why I don’t have a child yet, but I know I laughed it off.
When went from “you shouldn’t be having children before you are married, in your own house” to “something must be wrong with you”.
From family gatherings to just hanging out with friends, the question about how some of us still have no children always finds its way in.
In fact, sometimes I feel like it’s the most interesting thing about me.
My party trick!
Often times I can sense the disdain and disappointment, especially from older people.
“Isikhathi sihambile Sisi” (time is running out girl) they say.
So if you have to know why I don’t have a child yet, here it is.
Firstly, I am only 28. I’m not sure when that became ‘old’, but I still feel pretty ‘new’.
When I was young I always thought I would be a young mother (before 30), just like most of the women in my family.
But when I was young I also didn’t know my purpose and I didn’t have many dreams.
On the path of self-discovery, we uncover our potential, how far we can stretch ourselves.
And during that process, we may not be very mindful of time.
At my age, most rational people already know whether or not they want to have children.
And most of us have experienced the deepest desire to mother/father someone.
The question is not the desire, but the million other factors that contribute to what we believe would be the optimum time to do so.
Marital status, finances, pending studies, travels, the list is endless.
Just trust me, we have good reasons.
Do you think you can respect that?
The fact that I am at liberty to decide, without you hovering, when the right time for me is.
You do not even have to understand my reasoning.
And it is rather insensitive.
What happens when someone actually does have ‘something wrong’ with them. Do you expect them to tell you why they can’t conceive?
I know I am asking too much, for a black girl in a black community, but can we try to participate less in other people’s business?
Just a little.
