Protect yourself from sexual abuse

“We ask for Kathorus MAIL’s help as our partners to combat crime by appealing to the community not to engage in sexual offences.

“There is a tendency for people to visit drinking places when they are in distress. They meet new partners there, and thereafter go to isolated places or houses, which sometimes leads to sexual offences being committed. After allegedly being raped, they come and lay charges as soon as they are sober,” said Rossouw.

Rossouw gave the following tips:

· Take care of yourself as well as others.

· Keep an eye out for your friends

· Get consent for every step of a sexual interaction

· Respect yourself and your body.

· Drink responsibly. Know your limits. Drinking increases aggression, decreases comprehension and decreases inhibition. It decreases enjoyable sex. It increases the likelihood of non-consensual sex or rape.

· Speak up if the actions or words of a friend, teammate, brother or sister are harmful.

· Don’t blame survivors – it is never their fault.

Rossouw said it is better to communicate with your partner and set your limits.

“Determine what you want and what you don’t want and communicate your limits clearly. No one should pressure you into unwanted sexual activity. If you are uncertain about what you want, ask your partner to respect your feelings.

“Know that you have the right and power to say ‘no’ and the right and power to defend yourself against someone who won’t listen to you. If you say ‘no’, say it firmly and directly.

“Trust your intuition. If you feel something is wrong, it likely is. Remove yourself from the situation and get to a safe space as quickly as you can.

“Attend parties with friends you can trust. Agree to look out for one another. Try to leave with a group, rather than alone or with someone you don’t know very well,” said Rossouw.

He said it is better to start early to look for danger signs in a relationship.

“If your partner restricts your activities, isolates you from friends and displays jealous behaviour, he or she may eventually rape or beat you.

“Talk with your friends about ways you’ve learned to prevent rape and violence.

“Respect your partner’s feelings and needs. Don’t pressure anyone to go beyond the limits she or he has set. Listen carefully to your partner and ask for clarification if your partner seems unclear or is giving you a mixed message.

“Respect the person when she or he says ‘no’ to sexual activity and comply. ‘No’ does not mean ‘yes’ – ‘no’ means ‘no’.

“If you see someone in a vulnerable position, find a non-threatening way to help. Don’t ignore a potential case of rape. Get involved if you believe someone is at risk,” he said.

He warned the public to be careful in group situations and resist pressure from friends to participate in or be subjected to violent or criminal acts.

“Don’t make assumptions about a person’s behaviour. Don’t automatically assume a person wants to have sex just because they drink heavily, dress provocatively or agree to go back to your room.

“Don’t assume that just because people had sex with you previously, they are willing to have sex with you again. Don’t assume that just because your partner consents to kissing or other sexual intimacies that she or he is willing to have sexual intercourse,” Rossouw said.

He said help is available on the following numbers:

Child Toll-free National Line: 0800 055 555

Gauteng: 011 645 2000

Also Read: How to spot and prevent abuse