The mind of a nyaope addict

For a former nyaope addict, being sober only means you have learnt to control your need for the drug. It does not mean that you will not miss it.

Ernest Khambule, a former addict who has been clean since August 2016 recently told the News about his journey through bad circumstances, drug abuse and constant cravings.

What does a 15-year-old boy, battling poverty in a township know? Well, Ernest said all a boy that age knows is how to make the best of his circumstances.

“When I was that age, we just wanted to turn everything around us that was negative into something positive,” Ernest told the News. “And the only way we knew how to do that was to hang out with our friends.”

He started going to parties. He drank alcohol and smoked weed.

“My parents gave me money, and that is how I chose to spend it.” He said at parties there were always other drugs, but he never even considered using them.

While Ernest was chilling with his friends in a public park one day, a man approached them.

“He asked us to deliver an envelope in exchange for money. In my heart I knew he was a criminal.” Ernest delivered the envelope without asking questions. After delivering other envelopes he became curious about the contents.

“I held the envelope up against the sky and saw the silhouette of a powdered substance. I shouldn’t have looked. I shouldn’t have been so curious. But still I asked.”

The man told Ernest it was nyaope, a South African street drug containing various substances such as rat poison, acid, heroine and antiretroviral drugs. It is a white powder and is often smoked with dagga through a pipe.

As soon as Ernest realised it was drugs, he asked the man if he could smoke it.

“I tried it just to find out what it felt like when you’re high on something other than weed.”

He smoked it and was hooked from the first pull. For a while, the drug was fun to use and fairly cheap as well. Then the side-effects kicked in.

“I woke up wanting to smoke, and I went to bed wanting to smoke. It was a way of coping and something to do when we were bored. I was so greedy for it. I didn’t mind begging, cleaning taxis or even doing small jobs. If I had enough money to buy some, I was happy. I was never hungry. I had some milk in the fridge for when I was sober and felt ill, but that was it. I was calm when I smoked, but had mood swings when I was sober. Days flew by and when we had enough money, we bought just enough to stay high for the entire day. I lost my job, but didn’t care because I had more time to smoke. It was euphoric sitting there, high and without a care. But then it got scary.”

When a grown man tells you he is scared to death, you know the thing that scared him was real.

Ernest said he probably went to rehab 20 times after he had realised the drug was a demon.

He constantly tried to fight this incredible urge to get high. “Rehab was full of drugs. I couldn’t be locked up with the stuff, I was an addict! I craved it. I couldn’t be in the same room because it sought me out.”

He relapsed several times. “Every time I smoked, it changed who I was. It was like a demon pulling me towards something. I realised I didn’t want it at all, but it was something I couldn’t pull away from.”

Then, six years after his first pull, Ernest stopped.

“My wonderful and supportive neighbour, Thabiso, started chilling with me one day. At first I was irritated, wondering what the hell this man wanted from me. Then he started to comfort me, telling me if I really wanted to stop, I could. I stopped hanging out with my friends for a while and before I knew it I was clean.”

The drug still haunts him and he knows if he relapsed, it could easily be the death of him. “It scares me, lying awake at night when there were no other sounds and just thinking about the drug and how it felt. I can’t sleep anymore. My heart will never forget that I was an addict. Sometimes I go crazy thinking about it. It’s terrifying; just me and my thoughts. At least I have two things holding me above the deep hole I was in – Thabiso and the Man he introduced to me – God.”

Now he is ready to face Kagiso, because he knows how to face his circumstances.

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