Infidelity and expectations: Advice for married couples

West Rand author Maanda Raphulu (38) recently released his book, The Ideal Future Marital System, and shared his insights on marital relationships.

Maanda explained he has always been passionate about writing and believes it to be his calling. One of his biggest interests is human relationships, which inspired him to learn more about it and share his knowledge with the world.

He explained that not only does his book look at relationships, but also the system in which it works. He stated the book traces back to the origins of marriage as well as the possible reasons for its invention.

To gather as much knowledge about the subject, Maanda interviewed young adults and couples and analysed various studies. He explained that one of the biggest misconceptions surrounding marriage is that a person has to alter their lifestyle or social habits after being married.

“Some of the most common patterns that lead to marital conflict include expectations that are not communicated, competition and overcrowding. Communication is the heart of every relationship there is. Speaking your mind and thinking things through is part of that aspect.

Choosing appropriate words and tone should be regarded when practising good communication,” he said.

He further mentioned he believes a marriage can be mended after an incident of infidelity.

“However, it will take a lot of communication and commitment to resolve any issues of betrayal. It is very important to express how you feel about someone and how they make you feel. It can’t just be silent communication. Communicating how you feel is a sign of assuredness, affection and affirmation,” he expressed.

Furthermore, Maanda explained how cultural expectations affect marriages today.

“Cultural diversity is the biggest challenge that society is facing. The expectations and cultural ways of doing things cause a lot of issues. It is important for both parties to want to learn and to understand the differences between cultures and be willing to acknowledge and respect them.

I feel that the expectations from one party to another must be addressed in a positive light so that it does not lead to conflict,” he said.

He continued by giving advice to couples who are currently going through transitions such as parenthood, career changes and empty nesting.

“Pre-planning, communication and alignment are key. It is very important to walk together, grow together and stand still together. If one grows faster than the other or slower, growing apart is what will happen. Always notice small changes in your routines and habits and address them as when it happen. This is a partnership, so both parties must be equally invested for it to succeed.”