Rocker: Confessions of a man in love… with his dishwasher

Ok, so I have a fetish for small appliances.

It’s impossible to walk through a store that sells the stuff without segueing to the coffee makers, the mixers and the whatsits and whatdoits.

But, beyond bread makers, the Nespresso’s and the juice extractors, there are two appliances that absolutely changed my life. It was a dishwasher and a robot vacuum cleaner cum mop.

For years, and I mean years, I resisted even looking at dishwashers in shops. It’s not because the thought never crossed my mind.

Instead, I never really believed that they could wash dishes as well as the combination of two hands, a scrub, a sponge and some dishwashing liquid.

There was also always something therapeutic about taking a pile of dishes and washing them, rinsing them and in my case, messing water all over myself and the floor.

The mind wanders. It was my moment, and a productive time at the same time.

It was shiny and sexy

But I must confess. After decades of adulting, I finally succumbed. And it was an impulse decision.

See, there’s this community WhatsApp group that sells second-hand and or unwanted stuff in the area where I live.

And there it was… a shiny dishwashing machine for sale at a price that would make retail margins shake in their boots.

It was a Smeg, a name-brand nogal. And while the thought of someone else’s dirty plates from meals past may have given the gift that keeps on giving grossed me out, I called the seller anyway. After all, she was flogging it at a fraction of an off-the-shelf version. And it didn’t fall off a truck.

It was silver grey, sexily square, and it was spotless.

The owner had had it for a few months but was semigrating to the opposite side of Gauteng.

She said it was cheaper to sell the appliance than to move it.

Go figure on the math… but anyway, I did it. I parted with two and a bit grand and took my new baby home. And I fell in love.

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It’s amazing when you make a purchase. It’s like a toy, and you want to use it all the time.

The same goes for the Hobot Legee robot vacuum cleaner and mop I acquired after testing one.

You almost want to spill a drink on the floor or drop a slice of cake and smear icing sugar all over the tiles.

In the case of the dishwasher, the temptation to make it dirty is just as big.

Now, I would not think twice about using as many glasses, plates, and cutlery as possible, just so that I can use Smeg to clean dishes.

Hypnotic robots

I now include Meta in my prayers when giving thanks. Because without WhatsApp I would have never read about the dishwasher.

Without a publicist, I would have never even considered allowing a robot to mop my floors when, for all the years prior, a wonder-mop did the trick.

It’s incredible how two appliances can change your routine, how watching a little robot clean the floor be so hypnotic.

How making dirty dishes, and not washing them yourself, can be so satisfying. It’s like meeting the love of your life. You realise what you have been missing all these years. And then, you tie the knot, forever.

Who would have ever thought a machine can change your life, just like a good wife.

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