What in the world is FOFO? It's the fear that you did not know you had. Yet, it seems, it is inevitable not to.
There’s a new acronym every day, but unlike its cousin FOMO, or the fear of missing out, FOFO is the exact opposite. It’s the fear of finding out about something.
It’s the letter from SARS that you left on the dressing table, the blood test results that you never took to the doctor or the discussion with your partner that’s been postponed for weeks.
We are all guilty as charged and, according to a study by mental health journal Psychology Today, it’s not an uncommon pattern of behaviour.
People avoid learning about information because they are concerned that reality will bring discomfort, a change they don’t want, or a responsibility they must answer to.
Medical doctor and psychologist Dr Jonathan Redelinghuys said that nothing feels easier than not knowing for a minute, even when reality dictates otherwise.
“FOFO works like a temporary pause,” he said. “By not checking, asking or confronting, people buy themselves a few hours or days before reality comes knocking. That pause brings brief relief, but the problem does not shrink during that time; instead, it grows.”
He added that it is a common pattern in emotional avoidance.
“People really believe that delaying the truth will soften the impact,” he said. “But what usually happens is that the delay makes the situation feel far bigger than it needs to be.”
FOFO can weigh heavily
Research suggests that FOFO first emerged in healthcare. Patients postponed screenings or avoided test results because they feared bad news.
The same behaviour has since been identified in relationships, personal finances, and the workplace, according to research by psychologist Justin Bariso.
He also wrote that leaders in companies may avoid performance reports because they fear what the numbers will reveal.
Employees sometimes dodge performance reviews because they’re worried about criticism, and couples skirt difficult conversations because conflict seems too much to handle.
Dr Redelinghuys said the power of imagination plays a large part in this. “When people don’t have the facts, they tend to picture the worst possible version of events,” he said. “Their fear is built on guesses, not reality.”
According to research by another psychologist, FOFO often has less to do with fear of negative outcomes and more with fear of responsibility.
If someone checks their finances and sees trouble, they must act. Also, the big what if they go for a medical test and learn something is wrong, they must respond. If they read feedback, it might require adjustment.
Avoidance offers momentary comfort, even when it leads to more trouble later.
Avoidance is a false sense of comfort
The consequences of avoidance are predictable, said Dr Redelinghuys.
Research has also shown that FOFO slows personal growth because people cannot solve what they refuse to face.
“Problems collect interest, and they become bigger, weigh heavier and become more challenging to manage,” he said.
“At work, FOFO can erode leadership credibility and slow decision-making. This is when teams lose direction when their superiors or managers avoid reality. While in interpersonal relationships, FOFO lets resentment loose, and it can reach a point of no return.”
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Yet this reticence to face the music, so to speak, is not a weakness, said Dr Redelinghuys.
“It’s a very human response,” he said. “But it becomes harmful when it stops you from taking control. The moment you know the truth, even if it’s tough, you can start making decisions. When you avoid it, you hand over your power.”
Beating FOFO does not require some giant intervention.
Psychology Today’s research noted that naming the fear reduces its intensity. Saying “I am avoiding this” brings the behaviour into focus instead of letting it run in the background.
Other research suggested asking simple questions like: What happens if I leave this any longer? Will I feel better in a month if I still haven’t dealt with it?
To deal with it or not to
Dr Redelinghuys said that small steps are normally enough to break the cycle of invisible denial.
“Open one message or make one phone call,” he said. “The first step creates momentum, and each bit of information that follows thereafter brings clarity and direction.. People discover the truth is rarely as frightening as they imagined.
“Once the facts are on the table, you can think, plan, and respond. That’s when progress begins.”
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