After 15 years of being trapped in an abusive marriage, Norma Ngema (not her real name) finally plucked up the courage to leave her husband.
Ngema said when she first met her husband, he appeared to be a most considerate man and showed no signs of being abusive.
A year after they got married, he started questioning almost every move she made and dictating her on how she should dress.
“What I thought was normal jealousy quickly became physical abuse. He would beat me up for minor things like dirty dishes in the sink,” said this mother of three.
She said that her now ex-husband then started to abuse her emotionally in front of the children, making them very afraid of him.
According to research, at least one out of every three women in the world has been beaten, coerced into sex, or otherwise abused in her lifetime.
The abuser is usually someone known to the victim.
Fear and shame continue to prevent many women from speaking out. Even in countries that enjoy relative peace and prosperity, many women are living in a constant state of insecurity.
Sadly, in the case of domestic abuse, it is not easy to leave after having being subjected to many years of abuse.
For Ngema, it was no different. She said she did not leave because she felt vulnerable and thought she would not make it on her own. She added her husband would always apologise after the abuse and gave her “valid reasons” to make her believe that it was her fault.
“I look back at the sad woman I used to be. I asked myself why I stayed for so long? Why did I feel so trapped? My children and I now live alone. We are happy, content, comfortable and free,” she said.
According to Ms Abigail Skosana, a private social worker, many women are trapped in abusive relationships because of fear of being judged by society when their marriages fail. She said some stay for the children, not realising the emotional scars they cause them in the process.
“My advice to women in such relationships is to walk away and save yourselves and children a lot of heartache,” she said.
Ngema added that the best decision she had ever made was to walk away as she now enjoyed a happy life with her children.
