Cordial divorces are possible, says pastoral counsellor and relationship therapist Dr Jan Botha.

Botha, the author of the book ’n “Suksesvolle” Egskeiding: Moontlike stories van hoop, adds that no one should have to go through the nightmare that Johnny Depp and Amber Heard are publicly experiencing.

“It is true that divorce is probably one of the most traumatic experiences one can go through. All parties involved are directly affected. There are stories of destruction, brokenness, lies, hate and hopelessness, but there are ways to limit the damage,” says Botha.

“Other than tangible losses, divorce is a change in one’s mental or physical ability, which can be experienced as the death of a part of the self.”

According to Botha, the trauma is born from couples’ inability to handle the procedure of divorce, because divorce is an identity crisis, even an existential crisis.

He says divorcees go through the same stages of grief that are experienced after the death of a loved one: Shock, denial, defensive self-restraint, acknowledgement and adjustment.

It is when people don’t acknowledge these stages that they fall into the patterns of destruction, says Botha.

“Therefore, it is important to go for professional help as soon as possible because, with the necessary help, a divorce can be transformed into a story of hope for the future.”

WATCH: Izak du Plessis chats to relationship therapist Dr Jan Botha about lessening the trauma of divorce.

Botha recommends mediation as a solution for couples who are stuck in a cycle of destructiveness.

Settling your divorce out of court

Social Justice Foundation director Laurie Greyvenstein agrees, saying that mediation can reduce the trauma of family disputes. A neutral and skilled mediator can assist families who are in conflict to work out divorce arrangements for themselves and their children, without resorting to a court-ordered settlement.

It will save you the cost of a trial and bring a dispute to a merciful conclusion, according to the Social Justice Foundation website.

While mediation is a competitive process, it is not a winner-takes-all outcome like a trial.

Greyvenstein says it is a voluntary process that can help two sides reach an acceptable and creative solution to their differences.

“A mediator can help the parties examine the ideas and options in a neutral, safe environment, in which they are free to express their opinions without destructive behaviour,” says Greyvenstein.

Mediation is also less stressful than litigation. Parties communicate in a respectful and non-threatening manner, while the mediator stays strictly neutral and impartial. The resolutions reached are less likely to cause future strife, friction and misery, as they were not imposed upon the parties.

“People who work together voluntarily to create a shared, mutually beneficial plan are more likely to abide by this agreement and they will have less conflict in the future,” says Greyvenstein.

WATCH: In an interview with Izak du Plessis, law and mediation expert Laurie Greyvenstein gives helpful advice on keeping a divorce amicable.