Everyone loves giving and receiving gifts, right? Wrong, says life and career coach Penny Holburn.

She says if you dislike a person but feel obligated to buy them a gift – perhaps because they are family, your brain will produce stress hormones.

The same will happen if you are worried you are not giving an appropriate gift, or you are spending money beyond your budget, she says.

Holburn shared interesting gift-giving and receiving facts with Caxton Local Media.

Happy: The act of giving activates the brain’s reward centre, triggering the release of dopamine, a neurochemical associated with pleasure and happiness, and improves our sense of well-being.  

Happy for longer: If you are close to the person you are giving a gift to, both dopamine and oxytocin are released in the brain. Oxytocin promotes feelings of trust, safety and connection and its positive effect is sustained longer than that of pure dopamine.

Pre-happy happy: Pleasure responses can happen not just in the actual giving of a gift, but also in thinking about the gift, finding the gift, wrapping the gift, anticipating giving the gift, and the actual giving of the gift.  

Happy to give, happy to receive: Neuroscience research suggests that giving and receiving are pretty similar in terms of what is going on in the brain. The reward centres of the brain release chemicals and the giver and receiver feel pleasure and a sense of well-being.

Happy to know you: When people who know each other exchange gifts, they feel socially and relationally closer.

Not happy: If you are overly busy, buying gifts might be seen as another item to tick off your to-do list and this can increase your stress levels. Instead of the reward areas being activated, the brain will start producing stress hormones. This could also happen if you dislike the person you need to give a gift to, if you are worried you are not giving an appropriate gift, or if you are spending money you ‘don’t have’ or would rather not spend.  

Back to happy: If you are cash-strapped, speaking to loved ones about your budget and setting expectations will reduce the pressure you feel. 

Who is happy? There is a tendency for people to give gifts that they like, rather than what the recipient would like. The giver may be happy, but the recipient probably won’t be.

Memorably happy: Non-material gifts, such as giving experiences, offering to help when someone is battling, or dealing with something frustrating on behalf of another, can all be highly valued gifts.

Meaningfully happy: An expensive material gift that isn’t something someone wants, or that doesn’t fit with their lifestyle or values, is not a good gift. Material and non-material gifts can both be highly appreciated, as long as thought has gone into the gift, and the gift is something the recipient loves or needs. A well-thought-out gift indicates that the giver understands, cares about, and truly knows what the receiver wants. 

Happy gift giving and receiving!