Respect is an attitude

It appears the basics in good manners and respect are turning into an endangered species.

In fact when children say ‘thank you’ or ‘please’, parents do a little happy dance, because their children are so well behaved.

Ballito and Stanger based clinical psychologist, Sumayyah Khan said lack of respect towards parents and elders as a whole, is becoming an increasingly common issue and is a common reason for children and teens to be brought in for therapy.

“As generations change, so do parenting styles, but unfortunately the importance of balance and boundaries seem to have been forgotten and with this, the parent-child roles are becoming warped,” said Khan.

“One of the most important rules for a parent is to set boundaries, for children to know right from wrong, good from bad, respect from rudeness.”

Khan explained that instead of the child working towards getting the approval, love and respect of their parents, it is the parents who are moving heaven and earth to get their children’s approval.

“Parents often go above and beyond to do what needs to be done for their child to get ahead, but are not allowing their children to learn how to achieve those goals on their own. This behaviour teaches children that the parents are here to see to their every desire.”

She said this is where discipline plays a huge role, because a child needs to understand when a behaviour is unacceptable.

“Appropriate discipline, compromise and choices are extremely important in ensuring the parent gets respect from your child, but that the child feels respected too.”

Khan said it is important to make eye contact with your child when you ask or tell them something and to receive acknowledgement, whether it is a nod or a “yes mum”.

Furthermore, you need to reinforce what you said, so if you gave your child five minutes to finish playing a game, go back after five minutes and tell him or her that the five minutes are up.

“Although at times you may still get arguments, it will not be as defensive or rude, because they had been prepared for it.”

Khan emphasises that disrespectful behaviour should always be highlighted, it should not be done in the presence of others, to not embarrass the child or cause them to become defensive, but rather discuss it in private as soon as possible, explaining calmly why what they said or did was disrespectful,

“Children will also repeat behaviour that receives a positive reaction, so if you laugh when they swear or make a rude comment, their understanding is that the behaviour is liked, so they will repeat it,” she said.

Dolphin Coast parents seem to agree with Khan’s view on the respect issue.

“Respect is a two way street. Children learn to respect us if we respect them, which is why this new trend of people wanting to be free with their discipline is damaging to the children and their futures,” said Ballito resident and mother of two, Cici Rossler.

According to Annick Achio, mother of four and Dolphin Coast resident, respect is the basis of any child’s education.

“The only way to teach respect is to respect yourself and your children, it is not just about saying thank you, it is about having the right attitude,” said Achio.

So next time your child is cheeky or rude, do not laugh it off or ignore it, because if you do not teach your child respect, no one will.