KwaDukuza lesbian speaks out on ‘life out of the closet’

It takes a lot of courage for a black person who lives in the townships or rural areas to disclose to his or her family that he or she is homosexual.

KwaDukuza’s newly elected chairperson of the gay, lesbian, bisexuals, transgender and drag queens (LGBTDI) forum Busisiwe Makhathini said many people have been too afraid to speak out because of the relentless harassment they would face if they came out of the closet.

Busisiwe grew up in Shaka’s Head and discovered at the age of 11 that she had feelings for girls, but she did not dare to speak out.

“It was hard because I come from a Christian family and I thought my family would be harassed because of me.

“I hated being around boys and I never wanted to wear girl’s clothes, neither did I want their hairstyles or play any sport that was regarded as a girl’s sport. My parents would force me to wear girl’s clothes and do females duties at home. I would cry and sometimes run away.”

Some people who knew that she was lesbian pretended to accept her, but believed they could change her.

“When I walked into a shop or a room, I would see people start discussing me, which was painful. We are human beings and there is no need to treat us as if we are disabled or abnormal,” said Busisiwe.

She kept her feelings secret until she started high school and her mother, Dorothy, confronted her, asking her to be honest about her sexuality.

“That was when I got the courage to tell my mother my secret.

“As much as she did not criticise me, it was hard for her to accept. Even now she still prays that one day I will change.”

Busisiwe has tried to commit suicide several times because of hurtful things that people said to her.

“My own father hurt me with his outrage when he first found out.

“Although my father has now accepted me, his words sometimes still ring in my ears.

“Only now I understand that he was going through the process of accepting me,” she said.

Her parents told the Courier that they have come to accept their daughter and they are very happy with the woman she has become.

“She managed to keep our family united during difficult times.

“As much as it was hard for us to accept her, I just want to say to other parents, don’t mind anyone who might have nasty comments about your gay or lesbian children.

“Love them and appreciate them because they are dealing with a lot that you might not know about.

“So let them at least have peace at home,” said Dorothy.

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