Did you know your brain has a filter system that decides what you notice… and what you don’t?

It’s part of how your brain manages the overwhelming amount of information coming in every second. One of the systems involved is called the Reticular Activating System (RAS) – it helps your brain decide what to pay attention to and what to tune out.

In simple terms, your brain is constantly asking: What matters here? What should I focus on?

And here is where it gets interesting. Have you ever decided you want a specific car and suddenly you see it everywhere?

The cars were always there. You are just noticing them now. The same thing happens with our thoughts.

If your mind is focused on what is going wrong, it becomes very good at finding more of it. If you are focused on what is working, growth, or possibility, you start seeing more of that too.

Your brain is not trying to make you happy. It is trying to be efficient and keep you safe. So, it filters based on what you have been giving attention to.

What does this mean for you?

It means your focus is shaping your experience more than you realise. There are always challenges. But there are also always small wins, progress, solutions and moments of courage. Your brain won’t automatically show you both equally. It will show you what it has been trained to look for.

And for your children?

This is where it becomes powerful. Children are constantly forming beliefs about themselves.

If they keep hearing:
• “You are so anxious”
• “You are not focusing”
• “You are forgetful”.

They start noticing evidence to support that. But when we intentionally point out:
• “You were brave”
• “You kept trying”
• “I saw you handle that better”.

We help shape a different filter. One that notices capability, not just struggle.

How do we adjust the filter?

Not by ignoring problems. But by gently guiding our focus.

At the end of the day, ask yourself and your child:
• What was one good thing today?
• Where did you handle something better?

These are small questions that have big impact.

Because what you focus on grows in your awareness.

The question that matters most to your brain

There are obstacles everywhere. But there are also just as many opportunities.

Your brain is scanning for evidence all day long. The real question is: What are you training it to look for?

If you or your child is struggling with anxiety, confidence or big emotions, I offer one-on-one coaching to teach practical “brain tools” in a safe and supportive way.

May Coomer is an NLP life and brain coach working with children and families on emotional regulation, confidence and resilience. She is based at Eden Village in Foxhill, Salt Rock.