Two Bits – 21 February 2014

I was quite astonished at the story in a Durban paper this week which described plans to export rhinos to Australia.
Apparently a former South African living there has come up with the plan as a way of establishing a breeding population to save the magnificent animal from extinction. If you haven’t been living in a cave, you’ll know that the African rhino population is being steadily wiped out at a rate of three a day.
There is a very lucrative market in the Middle and Far east for rhino horn for ornamental handles and as an aphrodisiac. The demand from some Middle East states for use as dagger handles and from China and Vietnam for ground up horn appears to be insatiable.
Nobody has explained satisfactorily why it can be considered a natural Viagra, when the composition of rhino horn is the same as human toenails. It just may be that biting your nails might improve your sexual prowess, but it seems doubtful. I think that comes more from nervousness at being turned down.
Anyhow, back to the rhinos. A lot of our friends now live in Oz, a steady stream of disillusioned young professionals who hated the crime and corruption here and saw greener pastures on the other side of the ocean. But I never, ever, thought the day would come when the wild animals would start packing for Perth.
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28 years and three months ago I opened the doors of the Courier, freshly arrived from Jo’burg and as nervous as all hell about going into business for myself. The offices were in the same building they are now, only difference being that I rented a few rooms from Francois Marais, which later we bought and renovated.
The very first day, I’m sitting there wondering what to do next, when in dances this perky blonde.
“Hello,” she says, “I believe you’re starting a paper. Have you got a job for me?”
My very first job interview! I was all teeth – didn’t have a clue what to ask her, so I think I said something along the lines of “Okay, can you start now?”
So that’s how Gaye Kennedy became the first employee of the brand new North Coast Courier and became a founder member of the team that brings you your favourite local newspaper every week. The thousands of people who Gaye has visited over the years, and have placed their hopes and trust in her hands every week, will join the Courier family in wishing her a long and happy retirement.
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We’re in the throes of installing a new, computerised newspaper production system and last week’s paper contained several gremlins and poorly printed adverts.
We are repeating the advertisments that were spoiled and I apologise for the inconvenience.
Some newspaper gremlins are more amusing than others. Reader Peter Hodson was tickled by this advert that appeared in a Scottish newspaper.

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After a heavy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window.
The older of the two, a five-year-old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole.
As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother runs to the yard in a panic.  “Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!” she asks as she shook the older boy in anger.
“We were just playing ‘church’, mommy,” he said.
“And I was just baptizing him…..in  the name of the Father, the Son and in the hole-he-goes.”