Two Bits

France was one of the first countries – to my knowledge – to introduce special tourism police to the streets of Paris, and the practice has spread around the world.
Where has it spread to? To Thailand, Mauritius, Malaysia and many more countries that have realised that tourism is big business. Why do tourists need special attention? Because, in their innocence, they often fall foul of local rules and regulations. With a few words, they can be helped to avoid misfortune and enjoy the best of the place they are visiting. If they were simply arrested or fined, the experience would leave a bad taste. They would tell their friends and the word would spread that country ‘A’ was to be avoided.
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out fewer visitors would mean less income for the country. Domestic and foreign tourism was worth around R100 billion to South Africa, according to SA Tourism’s 2015 annual report. Of that, Ilembe earns about R1.6 billion a year, and I would hazard a guess that the bulk of that is earned by KwaDukuza, in particular the Ballito holiday hub.
Why am I spelling this out like a “Tourism for Idiots” guide? I’ll come to that in a moment.
You can view the tourists/holidaymakers visiting Ballito as chickens ripe for the plucking, or as contributors to the region’s bank account. If the first, then it is unlikely that they will return for a second plucking, wouldn’t you agree? More money in the till, year after year, from satisfied customers means less money out of residents’ pockets to pay for essential services. Right?
Let’s take it down to micro level. The Ballito Pro has been running for eight years. This year alone, the investment in the 14-day internationally rated surfing contest by the organisers and sponsors is reckoned to have been around R11 million. Of this, KwaDukuza municipality alone put in R3 million cash, let alone the extra support services, extra staff etc etc. The mayor is keen on it, the council is keen on it, local businesses, entrepreneurs and even musicians are keen on it – everybody is keen on it.
Except – it would seem – the KwaDukuza traffic department. They just don’t get it. To them, the Pro is like Christmas in winter. It is a God-given opportunity to write up more tickets, regardless of the consequences.
The municipalities at local and district level and the sponsors have gone to great lengths to attract visitors to the event and the publicity worked. They poured in, from as far afield as Cape Town and Johannesburg, and not a few international visitors to judge by the many languages being spoken along Willard Beach.
How do you think they feel, after having driven from Durban, Cape Town or wherever, spent a great day on Willard, spent a bundle on eats and drinks for the family, watched some of the world’s best surfers in action, left the beach feeling satisfied at a good day’s outing and – what!! – only to find a traffic fine of R300 or more on their windscreens?
Would you think that leaves a sour taste in the mouth? You bet it does!
I parked on the pavement in Sable Road early on Sunday morning. There are no “No Parking” signs, no red or yellow lines on the road, nothing. I thought it was perfectly legit to park on the pavement there. Apparently not. I returned after midday to find a R300 ticket.
It read: “Driver stopped vehicle on roadway where the normal width has been restricted.”
Really? Certainly drivers have not been told about this. Look at the photo of where I parked – there is nothing to say the road is restricted. My car wasn’t blocking the traffic – cars could easily pass.
I’ve been told before that our traffic cops are killing the goose that lays the golden eggs, but this is the first time I’ve experienced it first-hand.
Given the fact that the retail festival takes up the whole Willard Beach parking area, where is one supposed to park? There are some spaces behind La Montagne and Balvista centre, a few more along Dolphin Crescent, a few nooks and crannies here and there – after that there’s only the pavements. How many tickets do you suppose the cops wrote over the two weeks? 500? 1 000? 5000? Your guess is as good as mine, because they’re not talking. But I am sure there’s a lot of unhappy people.
Now let’s apply some logic to this. You want the people to come to Ballito, so help them! Create more parking for the event. Hire marshalls to direct cars to those places. That will give much-needed jobs. Car owners give tips to car guards. Car owners happy. Car guards happy. Everyone happy. Everyone comes back next year!

Perhaps I’m being unfair, perhaps nobody has explained the importance of the Ballito Pro to the traffic department. But isn’t this what we choose councillors for? Please, before Ballito Pro 2017 or any other event that attracts visitors to these shores, can the mayor and his council apply their minds to how visitors can be helped to enjoy the experience?
And while they’re at it, can they investigate why there was so much bad behaviour at the Thursday night music concert? Bad behaviour can drive people away, as well.
* * *
Hear about the two guys drinking at Old North in Umhlali, boasting about how much they could drink?
One says, “Tell you what, I’ll bet you R2000 you can’t drink 20 beers in five minutes.”
Other one says “You’re on, but just give me ten minutes,” and leaves the pub.
Ten minutes later he’s back and the barman lines up 20 beers. He flattens them in five minutes.
The other guy says “Okay, here’s the money. But tell me, where did you go to before?”
The other guy says “Oh, I went down to Siggi’s to see if I could do it.”