Two Bits: Setting goals

Just the other day we were setting out in life, now we and our friends and relatives are on the brink of retirement.

So, talk around the dinner table inevitably turns to the question

“What are you going to do when you retire?” Women seem to be more comfortable with the idea: they usually say they’ll spend more time with grandchildren, or church projects or gardening, that sort of thing.

Men, on the other hand, get a hunted look and mumble that they’re not really sure, or proclaim that they’re going to work ‘til they drop. Not a very exciting prospect, is it, to be carried out of your office feet first.

But for most men, that’s all they’ve ever done – earn a buck, take it home, repeat.

I’ve worked in offices for 48 years and while I’m tinkering with a few ideas of what I’m going to do in my twilight years, it’s still a scary prospect. Rose, on the other hand, is ecstatic in retirement.

Grandchildren, church, gardening, all of that, and she complains of not having enough time to get it all done.

Okay, maybe I and my male friends are missing the point somewhere and things will sort themselves out come retirement day, but I still would like a decent project to sink my teeth into.

Lately I’ve been caught up watching videos of lectures by a Canadian, Dr Jordan Peterson, on the subjects of religion, codes for living and relationships, that sort of thing. He makes a very strong case that men and women need to set goals in order to lead fulfilling lives.

Without goals, he says, people become anxious, depressed and likely to self-harm. I agree.

The most fulfilling period of my life was during the 25 or so years of road running. In order to run even a shortish distance comfortably you need to train, and to do that properly you need to be motivated, organised and to have a plan. You set a goal of running a marathon on a future date and to get there requires months and months of sticking to a plan.

Up ‘til then I had had a laissez-faire approach to life and frankly it got me into a lot of trouble. Running taught me how to focus and that helped enormously in other spheres of life, as in business. Running doesn’t appeal to everyone so I daresay chess, quilting, woodwork or golf might achieve the same results.

But at the heart of it must be goal setting followed by disciplined application. Then, achieving the goal you set yourself is not the end, says Peterson.

In fact, most people are not really satisfied once they achieve their goals. The enjoyment comes from the journey. So, when a goal has been achieved, you have to set another one. And another.

* * *

Destructive behaviour has been very much on my mind this week. While there is a new positive vibe about the country brought by our new President and government, I find the attack on Umhlali Prep by the secretary of the local Youth League so appalling and disheartening.

More than 30 years ago we had to put our child’s name down for the school a few years after she was born, or she wouldn’t have got in.

Now that she has children, she has had to put them on the list at birth.

It is so easy to waltz into the school and accuse it of prejudice because they don’t meet your demand that they take your child on the turn.

In the first place it’s nonsense because many, many black children have been schooled there (it’s a quarter black) but more importantly, it’s destructive, negative behaviour that this country does not need.

I have no problem with genuine cases of racial prejudice being brought to our attention, but the league would achieve more for the youth it purports to represent if it actually came up with positive projects that helped them gain education, experience and work.

Tearing things down can be done in a matter of seconds – building lasting institutions takes years of hard work. I wish the league could learn that playing the race card at every turn only brings bitterness and resentment.

Thing is, I think the league has developed a wishbone where their backbone should be. I challenge the league to this: choose a poor school in need and put your energy into building it up.

Raise funds for classrooms, extra teachers and sporting facilities, just like the Umhlali community has done, and make a school that you can be proud of. Set a goal. Achieve it. Then move on to the next one. Make a positive contribution because your country and your feelings of self-worth need you to.

* * *

I always ask children what they want to be when they grow up.

That’s because I am still looking for ideas.

Do you want to receive news alerts via WhatsApp? Send us a WhatsApp message (not an sms) with your name and surname to 061 718 4438.

Please read our WhatsApp broadcast list disclaimer.
Join the conversation on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram